Dear Abby,
I’ve been in a wonderful long-term relationship with an amazing guy, who I’m calling Jerry. Our grown children and his family all get along fabulously, and I really cherish that.
Jerry is a dedicated health-care professional. While I also work, he’s the one who financially supports us, and I appreciate that genuinely. However, there’s a catch—he deals with an autoimmune illness and other health issues because he hasn’t taken care of himself over the years. In contrast, I focus on a healthy lifestyle; I cook nutritious meals and walk about 10 miles every week, trying my best to stay active and limit my time lounging on the couch.
Here’s my dilemma: I’m in my mid-50s, full of energy, but living with someone who couldn’t be more different when it comes to our activity levels. I often go out solo or with family and friends just to stay active. Yet, I really wish Jerry would join me instead of just chilling on the couch and opting for dinners out. I’ve gently raised this concern with him multiple times. Should I just accept things as they are? Because I truly love him and want our relationship to thrive.
— Helpless in New Hampshire
Dear Helpless, I recommend a two-part strategy. First, it might be helpful to discuss Jerry’s inactivity with his doctor, who could offer insights on how to motivate him to become more active. Secondly, try to make walking a part of your routine, whether it be before or after meals out together. You might need to use some creativity to make this happen, but it’s definitely worth the effort!
Switching gears, another situation arose during a card night at my home. I jokingly declared myself “the man of the house,” and my visiting sister-in-law shouted that it’s 2025, and I’m not allowed to label myself as such. I firmly stood my ground, explaining that I identify as the man of MY house just as my wife is the woman of ours. I felt her interruption was entirely out of line. She kind of dismissed the whole thing later by saying it was meant as a “joke,” but honestly, it felt completely inappropriate.
A massive argument broke out, and she didn’t hold back her criticism, calling me a terrible person and hinting that her past kindness towards us somehow legitimized her nasty comments. I told her to leave when the argument heated up, and she made her exit the next morning, brushing it off as unintentional. What does Dear Abby think about all of this?
— Man of the House in Michigan
Dear Man, It seems like your sister-in-law pressed a button with her remarks, leading you to react strongly. My take on this situation is that both of you owe each other an apology. If drinks were involved while playing cards, you both might want to steer clear of alcohol to prevent future flare-ups.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, started by her mother, Pauline Phillips. You can reach Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or via the mail at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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