Hello, Quentin,
I’m a 73-year-old woman, and my husband is 76. We’ve been married for three years now, and I even moved abroad to be with him. We’re in pretty good health, and according to statistics, we have another decade, maybe even longer, ahead of us. I have kids in their 40s and a grandchild living in the U.S. from my previous marriage. My husband, however, has two ex-wives and no kids of his own. Interestingly, I make nearly twice of what he earns from his pension since his ex-wives claimed a significant portion of it. So, I end up covering about two-thirds of our expenses. Honestly, I’m okay with that; it means we can travel and enjoy life more compared to if we lived separately.
What really irritates me, though, is that my husband’s heir to the home we share, which is valued around $1.8 million, is a 10-year-old relative of his. He argues that this child can help keep the family name alive. Meanwhile, I own a property that’s worth more than that. I don’t need it for my own income, and I plan to leave everything to my kids. Still, I have a will that allows my husband to live in my apartment and even rent it out for income if I pass away first. Additionally, he would inherit half of my U.S. Social Security. Unfortunately, I won’t qualify for a widow’s pension if the other way around happens.
If I find myself alone someday, I plan to return to the U.S. to be near my children. Money won’t be a pressing issue, and it seems my kids can certainly manage. However, it feels disheartening to be sidelined in favor of a child who won’t truly need a fortune when he eventually inherits it. Should I just accept this as part of marrying later in life, or do you think an outsider would recommend a different approach? Honestly, it’s hard to determine what counts as ‘normal’ in this situation.
Best, Wife of Three Years
Dear Wife,
Migrating across the globe for love is no small feat, and it shows how much you cherish your relationship. Leaving behind your former life and adult children would have its challenges, but I truly hope it’s been worth it for you, and may your time together be rewarding and filled with good health for the foreseeable future. It’s understandable your husband covering only a third of the shared expenses helps him tremendously; as long as you both enjoy a fulfilling lifestyle, that’s commendable. Companionship at this stage in life is invaluable.
There are definitely financial perks to tying the knot later in life, especially when it comes to splitting expenses. Plus, having one person with employer-sponsored health insurance can provide savings for the partner who doesn’t have it. Living in a single house beats maintaining two separate homes, financially and otherwise. Also, in many states, couples can maximize tax deductions on joint returns, getting double what singles would. But you know as well as I do, it’s not all a cakewalk – medical costs and potential disputes over inheritance can muddy things up.
Accept His Plans for Inheritance
Now, if you were to pass away first, your husband would actually save up a good chunk of change compared to what he would have spent single-handedly covering all expenses and bills. Plus, your Social Security benefit would go to him, which is a nice silver lining to the situation. It’s a fact of life, and it won’t hurt you while you are still here. While it’s fair for someone to inherit, letting it be him makes sense.
A small piece of advice? Maybe you should consider mutual arrangements for your properties if either of you passes away. Either both of you should get to utilize each other’s assets during your lifetimes or mutually agree on what happens after you’re gone.
The situation you find yourself in doesn’t have a universal solution since you both met later in life. Your husband’s choice to keep his home within the family—even if it’s to a somewhat distant relative—is clear. Just as your plans to pass your estate to your children reflect your wishes. It would ideally be great if you could adjust your expenses to a 50/50 split, but I can see you might have also benefited from renting out your apartment. After all, you both have accumulated your wealth separately over time, so a fair resolution would involve equality concerning your final affairs.
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Got financial or ethical dilemmas? Email The Moneyist at qfottrell@marketwatch.com and follow Quentin on X (formerly Twitter).
