Australia You call that a pun, Tourism Australia? Now here's a groaning campaign idea

04:30  31 october  2019
04:30  31 october  2019 Source:   theage.com.au

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a group of people posing for the camera: © Tourism Australia "Hoges" throwing a shrimp on the barbie in 1984.

Australia has a grand history of groan-inducing tourist campaigns. From Lara Bingle’s infamous “where the bloody hell are you?” to the one for “Sadelaide” featuring a weeping old man called Old Mate, we can’t seem to hit the mark when it comes to selling Australia.

Ever since Paul Hogan’s “shrimp on the barbie” campaign put us on the map, we've been reaching for ever-more cliched images to spruik our natural attractions and laidback lifestyle.

Now Tourism Australia has added to this inauspicious list with a campaign founded on the lamest of puns: “Come Live Our Philausophy.” Get it? I mean, strewth, how much can a koala bear?

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Then there's its footage, images seemingly plucked from the Hoges handbook, and the obligatory use of our “new Hoges”, Chris Hemsworth.

a group of people around each other: Tourism Australia's new campaign.© Tourism Australia Tourism Australia's new campaign.

If we’re going to be crass, cliched and groan-inducing when selling Australia, why not go the whole hog?

For instance, I want to see Dame Edna Everage skydive onto Rottnest Island before taking a selfie with a quokka.

I want to see Kylie Kwong prepare cordon bleu meals using Vegemite as the main ingredient, assisted by the ladies of the Country Women’s Association.

I want Kylie Minogue to sing I Should Be So Lucky at the Opera House, and why not re-enact her marriage to Jason Donovan in Neighbours while she's at it? Next, kangaroos bounding down a George Street full of city folk wearing cork hats.

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Then we should see the Prime Minister – no stranger to tourism campaigns, so where the bloody hell is he? –hosting a huge barbie on the grounds of Parliament House, wearing a “kiss the cook” apron and serving up Bunnings-style sausages to a hearty exhortation of: “How good is this?” Perhaps he could be assisted by Hoges himself, adding shrimp, Balmain bugs and halloumi to the hotplate.

I want Tim Tams, thongs and meat pies handed out to every new arrival at Sydney Airport.

And I want Nick “The Honey Badger” Cummins to lead tour buses around our major cities, dropping bon mots and badgerisms such as “as tough as woodpecker lips” and “I’ve been bloody whacked in the Niagara Falls” along the way. These tours would include a visit to the house where The Castle was filmed, where tourists could quote immortal lines such as “how’s the serenity?” and “tell them they’re dreaming”.

And I want the whole campaign set to the strains of Acca Dacca’s It’s A Long Way To The Top (with the groaningest of refrains, "if you want a sausage roll").

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You know where to reach me, Tourism Australia.

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