Australia Four simple rules for writing about ‘weird and wonderful’ Australia
‘As the bombs fall, I write’: The poets of Gaza
‘Growing up in Gaza is inspiring for poets – life here is poetry blown into pieces and scattered all over the place.’I was a student of English literature – searching out novels, poetry collections, books from around the world – when I found it, directed there by friends who knew I would find what I was looking for.
Australia is rich fodder for international journalists seeking to flex their creative writing muscles and get all their clichés and hyperbole out in one go. While the day-to-day of Australian politics isn’t weird and wonderful enough to make international headlines, our fires, floods and animal plagues certainly do.
There seems to be a specific set of rules international journalists follow when reporting on Australia and, after much investigation, we’ve managed to boil them down to these big four.
Rule #1: Always reference the Bible
In Australia, everything is biblical. In fact, the evidence is mounting that the Bible was actually set in Australia. There’s no such thing as a small-to-medium natural disaster here — floods, droughts and animal plagues all happen in “biblical proportions” — the, the , the — you name it, it’s comparable to an event from the Bible.
Roxy Jacenko announces a new addition to her family
Roxy Jacenko has welcomed a new addition to her family. The PR Queen, 41, her husband Oliver Curtis, and their two children have adopted an adorable French Bulldog and introduced him to her fans on Wednesday.Roxy shared a sweet snap of her son Hunter sitting next to the pooch to Instagram and wrote: 'The "Vaucluse Zoo" is growing - welcome to the family Minnie Curtis.' © Provided by Daily Mail ( In a second adorable image, Roxy carried her pet dog as she posed alongside her son.It comes after Roxy celebrated her 41st birthday in decadent style on Tuesday.
Of course, the holy trifecta occurs when they all happen at the same time. Take this recent Washington Post interactive guide on the mice plague in NSW:
Even COVID-19 took on biblical characteristics that it wasn’t demonstrating elsewhere the moment it set down on Australian soil, ifin serial-offender The Washington Post is anything to go by:
“In the Old Testament, the Bible recounts the 10 Plagues of Egypt, disasters inflicted by God to force the Pharaoh to release the Israelites from slavery. In the past few months, Australia has been forced to endure plagues of its own, afflicted with terrifying bush fires, drought and smoke pollution that choked the skies. Now, the emergence of a global pandemic feels very much like another plague lapping at our shores after the summer that destroyed so much.”
Jennifer Garner takes son Samuel to a beach playdate after school
Jennifer Garner, 49, took her youngest son Samuel, nine, to the beach after school for a playdate with friends. She shares him with her ex-husband Ben Affleck, who's currently dating Jennifer Lopez.But Jennifer was taking charge of the kids on Wednesday when she shuttled her youngest, nine-year-old Samuel, to a playdate in Santa Monica, California.
Rule #2: Our animals are either cuddly or terrifying — and there’s no middle ground
If you’re writing about Australian animals, you must feature a deadly crocodile, a venomous snake or even(who “lashed out” at tourists on a beach, of course).
Don’t worry about the fact that Australians arethan any other animal — that’s boring. Your animal piece must be about either: a really obscure reptile that the average Australian will only ever see once in their life at the zoo; or any creepy crawly that appears en masse — take a look at about a town “caught in webs of thousands of spiders” for inspiration.
If deadly animals are off the cards, you may also write about koalas and how Australians like to hug them, such as this article by HuffPost reporting on the Australian government being accused of being. (Side note: this piece was actually filed under “Weird News”, not “International News”, “Australian News” or even “Environmental News”.)
Surfing Is Solitary, but Not Isolating
“We’re not out there to do all the tricks and grab all the waves we can. We’re just out there to have fun, be in the water, cheer for your friends, and maybe even share a wave.“This week she talks with two amateur surfers who formed a close friendship despite their age gap. They discuss “surf etiquette,” how the solitary sport created a rich community for them in Hawaii, and the values their friendship is built on: learning and trying new things throughout life.
Rule #3: Always compare large swathes of Australia to whole European nations
Nothing makes Australians feel more comforted as the nation floods or burns than hearing that the area of land destroyed was the equivalent of a small European nation. “Lucky,” we think, “if we were in Estonia our whole country would be burnt down. How great we have so much land to lose!”
Make sure to pick a reasonably prominent European country (so, not Estonia) — such as in an article by Reuters describing. This is perfect: not one but two extremely well-known countries that couldn’t stand the might of an Australian disaster.
, which states that “a total of 4.9 million hectares — an area larger than Denmark — has been destroyed in the state during the nationwide fire crisis”, is great, because northern Europeans normally one-up us.
Please don’t compare area size to the US or China (it makes us feel inferior).
Rule #4: Where possible, remind white Australians of their convict past
Despite Australia having the oldest continuous civilisation in the world and, more recently, being known as an incredibly multicultural society with citizens coming from every nation under the sun, it’s vitally important to always mention Australia’s convict past when writing about the country.
Naomi Watts and ex Liev Schreiber get together with their children
They have retained a friendly co-parenting bond. And amicable exes Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber were seen out with their children Sasha, 13, and Kai, 12, in New York City this week.And amicable exes Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber were seen out with their children in New York City this week.
No one can escape this, not even the prime minister, highlighted by The New York Times on his: “More than two centuries after his ancestor was cast out of Cornwall for stealing and sent to Australia with hundreds of other convicts, Scott Morrison returned to the area on Friday as prime minister of Australia.”
Extra points if you can add in some colour by noting the tiny misdemeanour for which their ancestors got forcibly shipped to another country. In the case of Morrison’s family, it was stealing a “five pound and a half-weight of yarn” — guess even his ancestors enjoyed spinning.
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Mollie King puts her best fashion foot forward in an oversized blazer .
The former Saturdays singer, 31, put on a leggy display in her structured blazer dress as she entered the London radio building ahead of her shift on Saturday.And Mollie King looked typically stylish in an oversized blazer on Saturday as she arrived for work at Radio 1 in London.