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relationships I think my younger boyfriend is 'stashing' me: Ellie

00:02  11 november  2017
00:02  11 november  2017 Source:   thestar.com

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If it seems your boyfriend will never introduce you to his friends or family, then it's unlikely he considers you a long-term partner, Ellie writes. I think my younger boyfriend is ' stashing ' me : Ask Ellie .

Recently, I decided I wasn’t happy and met someone else much younger than me . If it seems your boyfriend will never introduce you to his friends or family, then it's unlikely he considers you a long-term partner, Ellie writes.


I was married for ten years to a great guy (we had 15 years total together). We have two beautiful children.

Recently, I decided I wasn’t happy and met someone else much younger than me. He’s 24, I’m 31.

He’s never had a long relationship (I’m his longest at eight months). He’s accepted that I have children, I don’t expect him to play “Dad.”

Their father is in the picture and we communicate well when it comes to the kids.

I fell in love with this guy and he says he loves me too, but I haven’t met his family.

He’s only met the children, my nephew and my mom.

Every time I ask him to meet my whole family, he always has to work. He’s trying to start his own business, and sometimes works all week with no time off.

Busy schedule is taking a toll on our sex life: Ellie

  Busy schedule is taking a toll on our sex life: Ellie My husband of 10 years and I both have demanding professional jobs.At the end of the day, when we’re with our school-age children at home, we’re equally tired but supposedly equally involved in getting them to activities, overseeing homework, music education, etc.The difference is that he’s harsher, I’m more forgiving. He lashes out verbally (never physically) while I have gentler reactions.Also, he gets fed up when a parent-child problem isn’t immediately resolved, so he will stalk off or immerse himself in something else, leaving me to clean up the mess.We love each other, but we fight a lot.

I thought it was our problem, not mine. Is she right? Shall I find a sex therapist or talk to my doctor who’s a young lady in her 20s? My sister's depressed, but she doesn't want my help: Ask Ellie . My younger sister has been very depressed about her boyfriend ’s poor treatment of her, which ended

I think my younger boyfriend is ' stashing ' me : Ask Ellie . Boyfriend won’t move in 'cause he can't afford the area’: Ask Ellie . Widowed mom marrying man a continent away: Ask Ellie .

He’s told me that his family would disown him if they knew about me . . . that they’ll see a 30-plus woman with two kids who works in a factory (apparently, it’s a dirty job, and not up to his parents’ standards).

But I met him there! (He no longer works at the factory.)

I feel like he’s “stashing.” He says people know he has a girlfriend but they know zero about me.

I haven’t even hung out with his friends and him, though he’s come to my friends’ get-togethers.

Also, he’ll drive to see me after work, sometimes just to lay beside me and sleep. My kids adore him, we’ve had several disagreements on my parenting (we’re working on my downfalls).

When I tell him how I feel (about not meeting his family or friends) he says I’m overreacting, but I don’t think so.

Also, he’s always on his phone. He says he’s in “that phone generation” or “it’s my ‘me’ time.”

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What makes my boyfriend think I will be better about his? I don't know why younger guys think we'd humor anybody else, even if they aren't physically with us. It's offensive for them to even question our inability to tell a creep at the bar to get lost.

Thankfully, there are plenty of ways to figure out why your boyfriend is ignoring you and how you can fix things. If you think that you might have been a bit too "full on", try pulling back for a while and giving him back the space that you've tried to inhabit.

If it seems your boyfriend will never introduce you to his friends or family, then it's unlikely he considers you a long-term partner, Ellie writes.© Provided by Toronto Star If it seems your boyfriend will never introduce you to his friends or family, then it's unlikely he considers you a long-term partner, Ellie writes.

He’s way mature for his age. But I want more and he doesn’t.

He talks about “our future” and building me a house someday, but if his family can’t accept me now, when will they? I don’t know what to do.

Am I Loved or Stashed?

Stashing is the latest dating term for it, but basically, you’re being kept “hidden” in plain sight.

He’ll meet your kids, your friends, but you won’t meet his closest buddies and especially not his family.

He may chat vaguely about a future together, but there isn’t one.

The unspoken message of being stashed in today’s dating minefield is that the person (male or female) is unlikely to ever be considered a long-term partner.

The red flag is never being invited into the fold.

In your case, he’ll never introduce you to his judgmental family, because he truly fears that they’ll “disown” him. That matters more to him.

My wife and I stopped having sex and I’m frustrated: Ellie

  My wife and I stopped having sex and I’m frustrated: Ellie I love my wife and always enjoy sex, but it is my biggest problem in our marriage. She’s 65 and I’m 75, working 20 to 35 hours a week. Even when my wife was in her 30s, we had sex once a month. She’s still sexually appealing to me. Later in our life, sex completely disappeared.When I confronted her or talked about it, she said that sex isn’t important to her, but I can find a sex therapist and make all the arrangements and she’ll come along. I’ve consoled myself with porn, which of course isn’t the same. I’m frustrated. I thought it was our problem, not mine.

I ended it over two years ago because he’d been making me feel uncomfortable. Reader needs to alert the police and warn her parents, Ellie says. At first, I thought nothing of it — I was 18 and immature. I never had a boyfriend before.

I thought I was just the guy For you and it would never end I thought we were supposed to be Like glue. I thought you were my boyfriend I thought you Love or not I 've always got Ten guys on whom I can depend ( Thought you were my boyfriend ) And if you're not mine One less is nine; get wise.

It’s not something you can fix.

Having married at 21 to the boyfriend you met at 16, and despite being older than him and a mother, you’re an innocent compared to his self-interested ways.

He won you over, and now has a welcoming warm bed to lie in when he chooses to see you.

This is not an equal relationship that will last. Instead, he’ll break your heart.

Protect yourself and your children from his ultimate rejection.

Work on your parenting skills without him, and try to maintain a good rapport with their dad, whom they need consistently in their lives, unlike this guy.

If you meet someone else, look for someone who respects you as a person, no matter your job.

Tip of the day

You don’t need to label it “stashing” to know when you’re being treated as second-class. Don’t accept it.

Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email [email protected] or visit her website, ellieadvice.com. Follow @ellieadvice.

My sister's depressed, but she doesn't want my help: Ask Ellie .
My younger sister has been very depressed about her boyfriend’s poor treatment of her, which ended recently with his leaving her apartment where he’d lived for four years.She’s 34 and has two kids, 13 and 11, from a previous relationship. Her boyfriend’s 26.He was a new immigrant here when they met through family. She was immediately taken with him, though he had nothing, and moved him in without rent or food money from him.But he was ambitious, went to school, got a job and got promoted. She’s got an OK job, but she’s always been needy and too giving in her relationships.She’s the dependent type, like our mother who cried for years after our father left. I’m the opposite.

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