Ever spotted a guy sipping on a matcha latte or strutting around with a trendy tote bag? If so, you may have encountered the latest internet buzz: the so-called “performative men”. This quirky trend has taken TikTok by storm and if you haven’t seen one yet, odds are they’ll pop up on your social media soon.
What exactly defines a performative man? Well, they are the dudes that go to cringe-inducing lengths to appear sensitive and intellectual without genuinely being so. Picture these guys: pristine eyesight but sporting glasses for style, decked out in vintage gear, and always seen with a Joan Didion book in hand. Basically, their lives appear like a constant theater setup aimed at showcasing how enlightened they are—especially to women.
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According to a TikTok creator, this whole performative vibe seems to target the female gaze. She notes that these guys think they’re unique and emotionally aware, setting themselves apart from the usual alpha male scene. As she explains, there’s definitely a shift towards a softer, more fashion-forward man in today’s culture.
But this trend isn’t just about laughs; it taps into a larger conversation around what men and people in general do to attract romantic partners. Therapist Erik Anderson shares that what we do often stems from deep-seated instincts and motivations, something most individuals might not even consciously realize.
Where Did the ‘Performative Men’ Trend Come From?
In just the past month, TikTok has been bursting with videos poking fun at performative men. There are parodies aplenty, some even gathering large in-person crowds at events and contests. But it’s not all fun and giggles—there’s a profound element at play reflecting behavior humans have been exhibiting since forever. Simply put, plenty of people will dive into silly behaviors if they believe it makes them more irresistible.
This phenomenon gets at the core of what it means to act performatively—instead of being their true selves, these men morph into someone they think others will find desirable.
As Anderson puts it, it’s natural to consider what traits you think might impress women. Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with tailoring oneself to fit the ideals of attraction—though some guys can take it way too far.
Watch on TikTok
Interestingly, some guys find this strategy actually works for them in attracting mates. If it didn’t, then why would anyone keep it up? Anderson claims this method has been referred to as the “beta-male strategy,” where men aim to form friendships with women, even risking ending up in the friend zone. This type of behavior likely thrived in the past due to evolutionary reasons.
Are ‘Performative Men’ Here to Stay?
Since the dawn of time, people have performed for social approval, and it’s not about to stop anytime soon. But the way these performances manifest is bound to evolve as societal values shift.
As more people tease and ridicule the idea of performative masculinity, it’s likely less men will continue this charade. Adjustments may lead them to tap into a fresh act—or even drop the performance altogether.
Watch on TikTok
If performing as a ‘type’ becomes something that the social crowd frowns upon, those engaging in it may find themselves wanting to cast off their old behavior. And that trend goes both ways, messaging applies to women too—consider the rise (and fall) of the “pick me” or “chill girl.” As society increasingly pokes fun at these acts, their popularity will wane.
As these performances phase out, perhaps there’s hope for a return to more authentic selves in all kinds of relationships.
This piece originally featured on USA TODAY: Meet the ‘performative men’ who can’t get enough of matcha and literature!
