•   
  •   

Family & Relationships How to Have Closer Friendships (and Why You Need Them)

11:20  25 november  2019
11:20  25 november  2019 Source:   msn.com

When Your Kid Isn't Making Friends, Here's How Parents Can Help

  When Your Kid Isn't Making Friends, Here's How Parents Can Help When Your Kid Isn't Making Friends, Here's How Parents Can HelpWe need to think of making and keeping friendship as a set of skills to be taught and developed. Sure, some kids seem to pick up these skills from modelling and without much help. But many don’t.

Like so many people, I grew up watching the TV show “ Friends ,” dreaming of the day I would be living a glamorous city life surrounded by a group of close friends . Over the years, I’ve made lots of friends : childhood friends , work friends , college friends , writer friends .

Developing close friendships can also have a powerful impact on your physical health. There are many possible reasons why not, so don’t take it personally! How to meet new people. Friendships take time to form and even more time to deepen, so you need to nurture that new connection.

  How to Have Closer Friendships (and Why You Need Them) © Getty Like so many people, I grew up watching the TV show “Friends,” dreaming of the day I would be living a glamorous city life surrounded by a group of close friends. Over the years, I’ve made lots of friends: childhood friends, work friends, college friends, writer friends. I have friends who like to hike, and friends who like to chat over coffee and friends who live far away but whom I talk to a few times a year.

But close friends? “Friends” level friends? The “I can tell you anything and count on you always” kind of friends? Not so much. A childhood friend and I had a falling-out, never to be repaired. Another close friend moved away.

How to baby-proof your friendships

  How to baby-proof your friendships How to baby-proof your friendshipsEver feel like you’re being left behind by your married-off, mothered-up friends? You’re not alone. Even reality TV star Vicky Pattison has admitted to feeling left in the dust by her friends’ (understandably) changing priorities.

The friendship may not be conducive to their needs anymore. They may have personal reasons, and they typically don't involve you . No matter how many friendships we've suffered with until the bitter end There are certain rules implied in friendships , and when those are broken, the damage is done.

Another reason why you might lose friends is that you start to have less and less in common . To keep a friend or a group of friends , you need to see or talk to them at an acceptable frequency. A casual friendship can be turned into a close friendship . That requires liking each other more

In groups of adults, you often hear some form of this complaint: It’s hard to make friends as an adult. And if, for whatever reason, you don’t stay connected to your childhood or college friends, you can end up in your 30s (or 40s, or 50s) knowing a lot of people, but being close to very few of them.

Do we even need close friendships?

When you’re overworked and overwhelmed, the motivation to have dinner with a friend versus turning on Netflix and eating pizza with your spouse can be hard to summon. But the research is clear: Close friendships are necessary for optimal health and well-being.

“We are social and communal creatures,” said Serena Chen, a social psychologist and professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley. “When we are intimate with another person, we can experience positive mental and physical reactions in our body, mind and heart.”

Why Is It So Hard For Men To Admit That They're Lonely?

  Why Is It So Hard For Men To Admit That They're Lonely? Why Is It So Hard For Men To Admit That They're Lonely?What, in your view, is the loneliest place in the world? An icebound hut on the Siberian tundra, home to a solitary hunter? Or a remote hermitage on a Tibetan mountain, where a silent monk resides? For me, it’s my old coffee shop in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, on a weekday afternoon. Inside are 20 20-somethings with 20 slick laptops, nursing 20 cups of coffee, wearing 20 sets of headphones and none of them having what you could describe as a conversation. Even the café’s name was suggestive of the half-life: Hungry Ghost.

They are 50 percent more likely to have a first-time heart attack, and twice as likely to die from it, than men So how do you increase emotional intimacy and build emotionally intelligent friendships ? We live in a world largely run by men, so women know they need close friendships to provide the things

We can only handle 150 friendships at a time. So what happens to our social energy when we’re also interacting with thousands of other people online? That even means that the late-night hours spent engaging in conversations with strangers online takes away from the energy we have to care for

Dr. Amir Levine, a psychiatrist and a neuroscientist and the author of “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love,” has studied humans and animals as a way to understand human bonding. “Social connections are the most powerful way for us to regulate our emotional distress,” Dr. Levine said. “If you are in distress, being in proximity to someone you’re securely attached to is the most effective way to calm yourself.”

Two woman friends sitting in living room and taking picture of their pet cat using smart phone. © Getty Two woman friends sitting in living room and taking picture of their pet cat using smart phone. What exactly does closeness mean?

If you look to popular culture to understand close friendship, you’ll be left with a few common tropes: the friend who will take a bullet for you; the friend you can call in the middle of the night and they’ll be there for you, no matter the inconvenience; the friend with whom you can share anything.

Complaining Is My Guilty Pleasure. Should I Quit?

  Complaining Is My Guilty Pleasure. Should I Quit? Complaining Is My Guilty Pleasure. Should I Quit?If any or all of these things have happened to you, you may have complained to a friend, family member, or maybe even some higher power. For many of us, complaining feels great. I personally didn’t realise just how much I enjoyed a good gripe until my gratitude journal challenged me to go a week without airing my grievances. I made it half a day.

I closed myself off to friendships with the limiting belief that group dynamics among women were dangerous. How fun to have a once-a-week date together to focus on our lives. But then something ‘terrible’ happened. What would you need to believe instead to welcome more people into your life?

Your friends needs to know that they have your trust. Tell them a bigger secret and say, "I just needed to Compliment them on simple stuff (not too personal) and say why that impressed you to be sincere, but not Finding things you both like is a way to improve a friendship and creating a bond.

True close friendship (unsurprisingly) does not need to be quite as extreme. “A key to close friendship is intimacy, and a big part of intimacy is being able to be fully yourself and be seen and understood by others,” Dr. Chen said. “When people close to us don’t ‘get’ us, it’s undermining to intimacy.”

Reciprocation is also a key element to creating intimacy. Dr. Chen explained why all the people you know on Facebook or Instagram don’t necessarily count as close friends: “When we post something on Facebook and people give us affirmation in the way of nice comments or encouragement, that feels good, but it doesn’t necessarily create intimacy because there’s no give and take.” A big part of intimacy is that both people feel they are seen and understood by the other person.

If being close to others is so beneficial, shouldn’t it come naturally?

If close friendships really are vital to human well-being, it would seem that we would be intuitively skilled at making them. But it turns out that the opposite may be true: Close friendships are so important to us because they are so difficult to form.

Complaining Is My Guilty Pleasure. Should I Quit?

  Complaining Is My Guilty Pleasure. Should I Quit? Complaining Is My Guilty Pleasure. Should I Quit?If any or all of these things have happened to you, you may have complained to a friend, family member, or maybe even some higher power. For many of us, complaining feels great. I personally didn’t realise just how much I enjoyed a good gripe until my gratitude journal challenged me to go a week without airing my grievances. I made it half a day.

“The opportunities for friendship come with how people’s lives are organized,” Rawlins says. “I think the times we live in are really an obstruction to friendship , and it needs to be said out loud They both have a point: Technology can make friendships shallower, but it can also make them stronger

Friendships are some of the most important and beneficial relationships you can have in life. If a potential friend has unhealthy habits or negatively influences your life, you may need to Nurture your friendships by closely observing what boundaries your friends express, and respecting them . Aim to be friendly to everyone, but recognize that you are not meant to have a close friendship with all

According to John Cacioppo, a social neuroscientist who specialized in the study of loneliness (he died in 2018), humans would have evolved a built-in bias against easily making friends because avoiding an enemy would have been more important than making a friend. “If I make an error and detect a person as a foe who turns out to be a friend, that’s O.K., I don’t make the friend as fast, but I survive,” Dr. Capiocco said in a 2017 interview in The Atlantic. “But if I mistakenly detect someone as a friend when they’re a foe, that can cost me my life. Over evolution, we’ve been shaped to have this bias.”

  How to Have Closer Friendships (and Why You Need Them) © Getty In the modern world, that tension is more nuanced. “There is a longstanding debate in the sociology community about what humans want more: to be admired or known,” Dr. Chen said. She explained that admiration came with a lot of perks: It feels good, it has social benefits, there may be status and even financial gains to be had. But being admired and seen in ways that don’t line up with how we actually see ourselves — perhaps not as confident and successful as others think we are — can come at the cost of feeling understood by and close to others.

Culturally we are also more focused on career success, financial accomplishments and family milestones than we are on connection with others. Sue Johnson, one of the leading psychologists in the fields of bonding, attachment and romantic relationships, and the founder of the International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy, pointed out that when someone lists his or her life goals (or even New Year’s resolutions), rarely does making close friends or getting closer to existing friends get mentioned.

Can friendships between men and women at work promote gender equality?

  Can friendships between men and women at work promote gender equality? Anecdotal evidence of allyship says yes.There isn’t much data that can attest to whether platonic relationships at work help to narrow the gender pay gap or increase leadership roles for women, but stories of allyship do propose the idea. Take Trisha Han and Neil Vogel, who were colleagues at Dotdash (formerly About.com), where Vogel is CEO.

Friends add a wonderful dimension to our lives: they help us celebrate the good times, and they Here is what you need to know to create mutually supportive, enduring, truly healthy friendships that will How to Cultivate a Supportive Circle of Friends . Numerous research studies have shown that

At first, a few of my close friends couldn’t understand why I was leaving, and for a brief moment I felt guilty about it. But I had to follow my path and trust There is no need to fearfully cling to relationships and friendships that are not working anymore. Rather, get excited about the new ones that are

“When it comes to friendship, we put quantity over quality, so it becomes a question of how many people will show up to your birthday party,” she said. “The real question is if you can open up and be vulnerable with a few of these folks. Are you willing to tune in emotionally and respond if they reach for you?”

5 ways to make your friendships closer

If you want closer friendships, the first step is to decide you’re going to do something about it. “We think about relationships as things that happen to us, but the truth is that we make them happen,” Dr. Johnson said. Getting closer to your existing friends requires making the time and being intentional.

Once you have determined to work on your friendships, here are five techniques to try.

Comforting a friend who is going through a hard emotional times. Side view. Horizontal. Tilted. © getty Comforting a friend who is going through a hard emotional times. Side view. Horizontal. Tilted. 1. Create a foundation of security (hint: Answer that text)

Before we can attempt closeness, we need to have security. Through his research, Dr. Levine has identified the five foundational elements of secure relationships, which he refers to as CARRP.

Consistency (Do these friends drift in and out of my life on a whim?)

Availability (How available are they to spend time together?)

Reliability (Can I count on them if I need something?)

Responsiveness (Do they reply to my emails and texts? Do I hear from them on a consistent basis?)

Predictability (Can I count on them to act in a certain way?)

Once these five elements are in place, it can pave the way to a deeper connection. “From an attachment perspective, once we feel safe, we can start being more adventurous and playful, which helps us at work, raising our kids, in every aspect of our lives,” Dr. Levine said.

Obese IT manager loses 15 stone in two years

  Obese IT manager loses 15 stone in two years A man has spoken about his 15 stone weight loss journey which saw him transform from obese to slim and muscular in just two years. Adam Harris, 38, an IT manager from Iowa, US, weighed 30.7 stone in September 2017. He decided to lose weight after undergoing surgery for stenosis, a form of spinal arthritis. While Harris said his weight did not cause the initial problems, but his surgeon left him with some stern words: “I fixed the frame, now you have to take the snow off the roof.

Every friendship is different, and every friendship has value: we just need to find how to address our problems in a Broken promises, no matter how large or small, can hurt – everyone deserves to have someone in their This is an explanation which might clarify why they need more support, while at

Do you need to end a friendship ? Sometimes we have to break up with friends . See why fake friends can be so damaging and how to protect yourself. Surveyed police officers on their levels of stress, absences from work, and how often they were undermined and supported by their closest

That doesn’t mean that you have to respond to texts within the hour, but it does mean that you need to create a baseline of responsiveness and availability so your friends feel secure in your friendship. Likewise, if you have friends who are flaky, unresponsive or unreliable, it will serve you to try to see if they can become more CARRP and if not, look to other people for close friendship.

“We often tell ourselves that we shouldn’t care if somebody cancels plans or we can’t count on them, that we should be more laid back and stop being so needy, but that’s the same as fighting against biology,” Dr. Levine said.

A front view shot of two beautiful mid-adult women enjoying coffee together in a cafe, they are sitting at a table and laughing with eachother. © Getty A front view shot of two beautiful mid-adult women enjoying coffee together in a cafe, they are sitting at a table and laughing with eachother. 2. Pay close attention

The next step of creating close friendships is to just open your eyes. Humans have a unique ability to read emotions by mimicking subtle facial expressions.

“Intimacy starts with attention and attunement,” Dr. Johnson said. “When you look at somebody with your full attention, your face muscles start to mirror their facial muscles within milliseconds. If you aren’t giving them your full attention, you can miss it completely.”

This mimicry helps us empathize with the emotional experiences of the other person. The next time you’re with a friend who is sharing something about his or her life, Dr. Johnson suggested that you look that person in the face and give your full attention. This will create a psychological sense of connection. “As bonding mammals built for connection, this makes our nervous systems hum,” she said.

3. Let yourself be known

If you want to be seen for who you are, you have to be willing to stop pretending to be somebody cooler or smarter than you are. Admit that you binge watch “Honey Boo-Boo,” are jealous of other people’s accomplishments or don’t always brush your teeth before bed. Make that goofy joke. Share that less-than-flattering detail.

Our Expectations Of Millennial Friendships Don’t Prepare Us For The Reality

  Our Expectations Of Millennial Friendships Don’t Prepare Us For The Reality  

They cannot be friends , coworkers, family, or romantic partners. The reasoning behind the principle is that every relationship has goals associated with it People in management roles give assignments to their employees. They have to evaluate the people who work for them , and sometimes have to

“You have to try to help people understand and accept you, which conversely means you have to understand and accept yourself enough that you believe you can make somebody else’s life brighter just by being in it,” said Donald Miller, author of “Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy.”

In his 40s, Mr. Miller said, he had a successful career as an author and public speaker and an audience that adored him, but lived without true intimacy in his life. Determined to connect with others, he learned that the only way to get the intimacy he was searching for was to start being more honest about who he was.

Helping people understand and accept you may sound intimidating, but getting started is easier than you think. Dr. Levine suggests that the next time you’re with a friend, start diverting the conversation into exposing more vulnerability. When your friend responds in a way that feels supportive, give positive feedback by saying how helpful that was, or what a good perspective your friend has on your situation.

  How to Have Closer Friendships (and Why You Need Them) © Getty 4. Take your friends on a test drive

Most of us would consider a close friend somebody we could call in a pinch. But if you, like me, have a romantic partner or live close to family, you might rarely find yourself in a pinch that requires a friend. I recently had to undergo a minor medical procedure and my husband wasn’t able to go with me. “Why don’t you call one of your friends?” he asked me the night before, naming a couple of friends who might be available. I didn’t have a good answer. Sure, these were pretty good friends, but were we medical-procedure close?

When I posed this situation to Dr. Levine, his suggestion was simple: Take them for a test drive. “Ask for help even when you don’t need it so that when you truly need them, you’ll feel more comfortable reaching out and you’ll have a better sense of how they will respond.”

He suggested that the next time I had an issue — a tricky work situation or I needed help coordinating a birthday dinner — I should go out of my way to lean on a friend. Not only is this a low-risk way of testing how reliable a friend is, it also builds closeness. “When we give someone a chance to show up for us, we pose an opportunity for greater bonding and closeness,” Dr. Levine said.

5. Accept that closeness isn’t one-size-fits-all

I asked the same question of everyone I interviewed for this article: How much closeness do we need? Each person gave a different answer, each of which boiled down to this: It’s not that simple.

Dr. Chen said that it varied from person to person; some of us need dozens of connections, some of us need only two or three connections, but we all need some closeness to others. Dr. Johnson emphasized that building intimate connection in our love relationships is even more essential than building it in our friendships. Mr. Miller said that it had to be the right people. Dr. Levine mentioned that being able to confide in somebody or call in an emergency is only one type of closeness, and not necessarily the only important kind.

What all of the experts agreed on was this: Intimacy with other people — whether it’s a spouse, a family member or a friend — is one of the most profound ways to be happier, healthier and calmer. As Dr. Levine said, “It’s so potent that it will work much better than any Xanax out there.”

Gallery: What Your Zodiac Sign Says About The Type Of Friend You Make (Astrocenter UK)

a group of people holding wine glasses: An amazing friend -Aries, you like having things on your own terms, so when you want to make plans, you expect everyone to be free immediately. You hassle the group chat with constant

Our Expectations Of Millennial Friendships Don’t Prepare Us For The Reality .
 

—   Share news in the SOC. Networks

Topical videos:

usr: 146
This is interesting!