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Family & Relationships What it's really like to be stalked, by two women who were

16:40  21 february  2020
16:40  21 february  2020 Source:   redonline.co.uk

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And there are probably a few women who really do want to be stalked . UPDATE: here' s a post from a woman who describes her experience being stalked and how it felt: A guy followed me two Being pursued is enjoyable, being stalked is horrid. The difference is in the former you are likely

There is nothing amazing in being stalked , it weirds out and makes boys uncomfortable too, just like girls. By this time it had become really awkward for him and he had started feeling extremely uncomfortable. So I confronted her and told her firmly this time "If being stalked by a boy makes you

  What it's really like to be stalked, by two women who were © Getty Editor’s note: The opinions in this article are the author’s, as published by our content partner, and do not represent the views of MSN or Microsoft.

For the last 25 years, Newsnight presenter Emily Maitlis has had a stalker.

Despite being jailed for the third time recently, Edward Vines has breached restraining orders 12 times, – even managing to send threatening letters to Maitlis and her mother from prison – leaving them feeling, ‘harassed, scared and let down by the criminal justice system.’

Gallery: These Stalker Movies Will Make You Look Behind You (Refinery29)

a close up of a person: Let's be honest: Social media has made stalkers of us all. Information about everyone, from our coworkers to our new partners' exes, is available with a few clicks and keywords. Who hasn't scrolled to a point in a person's timeline, and accidentally liked a post, am I right?Recent movies  have caught onto the way social media is changing our initial judgments of, and relationships with, others. In 2017, both Friend Request and Ingrid Goes West depicted obsessions born from internet interactions. Granted, in Friend Request(in theaters September 22) the stalker is a demon-witch — but she still goes through the usual avenues of Facebook feeds to track down her target.But even if the social media component is new, movies have been dealing with the themes of obsession forever. So, with

WHAT IS STALKING?

Stalking, officially described as a pattern of persistent, intrusive unwanted behaviour that causes fear, is sadly on the rise.

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It ' s about personality. I have friends who would question why I started working there and then two years after, they started working at a different one. So why were you drawn to it? I stayed because I had a lot of fun. I enjoyed the women who I worked with. I had really cool regulars that I got to see

Thus is the case when Wilde ( who ’s currently pregnant with her second child) revealed exactly what it ’ s like to be stalked by male photographers on Instagram, touching on why Two Women Landed in the ER After Using a Vacuum to End Their Periods, According to a Nurse's Scary Viral Tweet.

According to charity Action Against Stalking, one in six men and women have experienced stalking in the last 12 months. Children are also now equally as vulnerable, thanks to a new wave of cyber stalking.

Yet in the UK, only 1% of cases of harassment recorded by the police result in a charge and prosecution.

Here, Red speaks to two women who have experienced stalking first-hand and find out what you can do if stalking happens to you...

‘My ex-boyfriend became my stalker’

Anoushka*, 39, Scotland

'Thanks to popular US dramas, the majority of people wrongly believe that stalkers are strangers. In actual fact, over 85% of stalking victims are stalked by someone they know.

a person standing in front of a window: Stalking is becoming more and more common © Roy Muz/Unsplash Stalking is becoming more and more common Mine was someone I loved and lived with for a long time. When the relationship broke down we parted on what I believed were amicable terms. Six months later, I’d bought a flat on my own and had a renewed social life, when I started getting hate mail.

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The letters were deeply personal, so it was easy to identify my ex as the author. He was fixated with the idea I had another boyfriend, and sent daily letters, texts and emails saying he hated me and he would kill himself if I didn’t reply.

Over one year I received 1000 pieces of threatening communication, and while he never physically approached or threatened me, the mental torture drove me to depression.

It affected my social life, I developed insomnia and my work suffered because I was on the edge all the time. I dreaded my phone beeping and began to hate living alone, because I was in constant fear of him turning up at the flat.

I reported it to the police at the insistence of my family. Eventually after a long and protracted battle he was given a restraining order. I received counselling and invaluable advice on how to cope with the situation from stalking charity, Paladin.

  What it's really like to be stalked, by two women who were © Getty I feel a deep sadness that our once loving relationship ended this way, and I’m terrified he’ll do it again when the restraining order ends.

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It was all going fine until we reached Chinatown, when my head started to swim. Something was out of joint and I couldn't put my finger on it – I felt like Alice after she'd Let the papers have their "Little and Large" headlines – the two of them are clearly nuts for each other and appear to be at it like knives.

But it ' s your choice." The problem is , an alcoholic can take that kind of statement two ways. Like many who turn to the bottle, I've suffered from depression ever since I can remember. There are extra assumptions attached to being a woman who drinks. A man can just be an alcoholic, most of

Not enough people speak out about stalking and it’s not taken seriously. People have remarked that it’s romantic, which makes me want to cry because they have no idea just how much it shatters your life.'

WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE BEING STALKED

A spokesperson for the National Stalking Helpline says, 'The key steps to take if you think you’re being stalked are to talk to someone, record what’s happening by keeping a log of any contact and take your digital safety seriously.

'We also suggest varying your routine and if you feel genuinely unsafe for any reason, call 999. We want the police to be onboard as early as possible in these situations, because the sooner there’s a formal intervention the sooner the stalking is likely to stop. Stalkers don’t generally stop on their own.'

  What it's really like to be stalked, by two women who were © Getty The charities Paladin, Action Against Stalking, Protection Against Stalking and the Suzy Lamplugh National Stalking Helpline all offer free counselling. They will also act as an intermediary between yourself and the police if you need to report stalking.

‘I was stalked on Instagram’

Ali*, 36, London

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'In 2017, I quit my job to set up my own company. I built a website and changed my Instagram and Facebook to reflect my work more than my personal life. All of my accounts were public and I started noticing a new follower would like every picture, no matter what it was.

In all honestly I’d never thought to vet the people who followed me, and it was only when he started messaging me daily questioning why I no longer posted pictures of myself that alarm bells rang.

After weeks of daily messages (which I ignored) he contacted me to say he knew where my offices were because of a picture I had posted on my lunch break. I freaked out and blocked him immediately, but naively didn’t realise he might make another account and follow me again – which he did. 

a person using a laptop computer sitting on top of a table: Cyberstalking is on the rise © William Iven/Unsplash Cyberstalking is on the rise It went on for months during which time he started sending me graphic pictures of himself and calling me names when I didn’t reply. Eventually I asked Instagram to block his IP address, so even if he made a new account he wouldn’t be able to follow me. Sadly they couldn’t help as he wasn’t actually physically threatening me. In the end I deleted all my accounts.

It sounds silly to feel threatened by someone you’ve never met, but not knowing what he looked like made me wary of every man in the street.

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I think it’s appalling that barely anyone gets prosecuted for stalking and – even when you do get a conviction, as Emily Maitlis did – there’s still very little in place to stop a stalker from contacting you.

My experience was only a small scratch on the surface, but things need to change before more people’s lives are ruined.'

*Names have been changed. For advice and support, contact Paladin, Action Against Stalking, Protection Against Stalking and the Suzy Lamplugh National Stalking Helpline

Gallery: How To Know If Your Ex Is Stalking You (Refinery29)

This story was originally published on March 1, 2017.In the most recent Fifty Shades movie, one of Christian Grey's ex-submissives stalks Christian and Anastasia intensely. Like many of the things portrayed in the Fifty Shades franchise, there are some parts about the fantastical plot that hold true IRL. If we're being honest, pretty much everyone has dug up information about their ex, or their partner's ex, or their ex's new partner — but stalking is a spectrum that can go from innocent to criminal.One in six women (16.2%) and one in 19 men (5.2%) in the U.S. have experienced stalking victimization at some point in their lifetime, to the extent that they felt fearful or believed someone close to them would be killed, according to a survey by the National Domestic Violence Hotline. And 66% of female victims of stalking were stalked by a current or former intimate partner, per the same survey.

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