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Family & Relationships 7 Phrases You Should Never Say During An Argument

23:56  05 april  2018
23:56  05 april  2018 Source:   huffingtonpost.com

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Below, therapists reveal the seven phrases you should never utter during an argument with a partner, friend “Words do matter. Avoid saying things you ’ll regret later. Threatening abandonment is probably the most hurtful thing you can say or do to your partner, especially if you really don’t mean it.

If you really want to set someone off during an argument , just try telling Kicking a common habit could help boost your career, says Estonia's youngest-ever inventor.

a fabric surface: Avoid saying these things in the heat of the moment.© Getty Images Avoid saying these things in the heat of the moment. If you really want to set someone off during an argument, just try telling them to calm down.

As anyone who’s delivered these words knows, this particular phrase rarely has its intended effect. Instead, expressions like “calm down” or “chill out!” are likely to cause the other person to get even angrier, more frustrated and more upset, especially when emotions are already running high.

a person posing for a picture© Provided by AOL Inc.

Similar to annoying mid-fight behaviors like eye rolling, groaning and stonewalling, certain words can instantly turn a productive argument into an unproductive scream-fest.

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Seven phrases you should never utter during an argument with a partner, friend, family member or pretty much anyone, for that matter, therapists reveal. As a result, they’ll likely miss the true message of what you are trying to say and will instead focus on proving you wrong, leading to a circular

Here are 7 things you should avoid saying during an argument if you want to reach a positive outcome. This immediately puts your beloved on the defensive, which is never a good thing in an argument . Psychologist and relationship expert Susan Heitler recommends swapping these phrases

Below, therapists reveal the seven phrases you should never utter during an argument with a partner, friend, family member or pretty much anyone, for that matter.

1. “You never...” or “You always...”

“These all-or-nothing phrases are typically exaggerations and used to illustrate a point or elicit an emotional response. However, these statements are often inaccurate (e.g., ’You never listen to me!’) and can set your partner up to become defensive.  As a result, they’ll likely miss the true message of what you are trying to say and will instead focus on proving you wrong, leading to a circular conversation or argument that goes nowhere.

“Instead, be specific and objective about what is bothering you, use an ‘I’ statement, and stick to the facts. For example, ‘I felt hurt and disregarded yesterday when I asked you to pick up your things before our company arrived and you didn’t. Next time we have guests, I’d really appreciate the help.’” ― Tara Griffith, marriage and family therapist and the founder of Wellspace SF

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We asked therapists to share the phrases you should avoid when trying to apologize to a friend, family member, significant other or pretty much anyone, for that matter. Related Coverage. 7 Phrases You Should Never Say During An Argument . 8 Signs A Marriage Won't Last, According To Wedding

Instead of starting your sentences with those phrases , try wording it differently. “When X happens, I feel…” is a great way to explain things without pointing fingers and making your If you liked this post about 7 Things You Should Never Say During an Argument , check out these marriage posts

2. “You’re acting just like your mother.”

“Or brother, crazy best friend or drunk uncle, etc. This move dismisses whatever issue is on the table and goes straight for character assassination. The strategy here: If you’re losing the argument, kill your opponent. Yes, you may well act like your mother, but that’s not the point.” ― Winifred M. Reilly, marriage and family therapist and author of It Takes One to Tango

3. “I’ll talk to you when you can be rational.”

“This is hardly a rational statement. It’s meant to inflict emotional injury rather than ask for a timeout. When arguments get heated, a timeout to let the cortisol and adrenaline settle (for about 20 minutes) is a good idea. Identify the chemical cause: ‘We’re getting too elevated -– I know I am. It’s that damn cortisol and adrenaline! Let’s take 20 minutes so we can talk respectfully like we want and deserve.’” Steven Stosny, psychologist and author of Love Without Hurt

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Common phrases you ’ll hear from people who think they know everything. During any conversation or argument or debate you ’re naturally going to say or do something that reminds you of other things, however, if you don’t stick to the issue at hand then you ’ll never solve the problem you were having.

Here are some things you should never say to your S.O.: 1. "I don't need you ." It's a really shitty thing to say and will make your S.O. feel like you don't even love them. Also side note, if you are trying to have a child REALLY don't say this or there will be a wedge in your relationship forever.

4. “We’re done! I’m out of here!”

“Words do matter. Avoid saying things you’ll regret later. Threatening abandonment is probably the most hurtful thing you can say or do to your partner, especially if you really don’t mean it. It’s one thing to want to take a breather, get some space and cool down. It’s another to basically say, ‘I don’t love you anymore and am leaving.’ The sting of those trust-destroying words hurts to the core and you can never take them back.

“Instead of shouting out, take a timeout to calm, center and restore your balance. Make a promise to return at a designated time.” ― Sheri Meyers, marriage and family therapist and author of Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love and Affair-Proof Your Relationship

5. “You’re such a @#$%&!”

“There is nothing constructive about name-calling or using any type of degrading or derogatory language. These types of insults are often used as a way to express anger and make the other person feel bad, but they will not lead to any type of conflict resolution. Alternatively, they could lead to counterattacks, damage relationships and cause you to feel guilty on top of the negative emotions you already feel. Try to focus on the specific issue or how the person’s actions made you feel, rather than attacking the person.” ― Gina Delucca, clinical psychologist at Wellspace SF

There's a Right Way to Argue With Your Partner, & You're Probably Not Doing It

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The things you say to your partner during an argument are some of the most crucial words you will ever speak in your entire relationship. What you should do is put yourself in their shoes, try to understand where they're coming from, and let them know that you can see why they might think they

Here's what you should say instead. According to Harvard Business Review, a recent survey of nearly 1100 individuals found that around 66 percent of workers want to make the other person feel comfortable during tough chats.

6. “Why are you making such a big deal over nothing?”

“This zinger implies that the upset person has no grounds for their upset. In most instances, this will only throw gasoline onto the fire, since when upset, what we want is to be listened to and understood, not told we’re off-the-wall ridiculous or overreacting. A better move is to ask, ‘Why are you so upset by this?’” ― Reilly

7. “Not this again! Can’t you just drop it and move on?

“Anything that sends the message that your partner’s viewpoint isn’t valid or their reaction is wrong in the form of, ‘That’s ridiculous,’ ‘You’re just being crazy,’ ‘Calm down, you’re overreacting’ or ‘Oh no, here we go again’ (eye roll and heavy sigh included) is really saying to your partner, ‘Something is wrong with you, I don’t respect what you have to say and I’m not willing to listen, communicate or change.’

“Yes, fighting is stressful. And it’s totally understandable that you may want to avoid another fight by cutting it off at the pass, but using these words is a surefire way to turn an argument from bad to worse. Instead, lean in and be interested. Acknowledge your partner by saying, ‘Tell me more about how you feel and why you are so upset. I want to understand. Let’s try to figure this out together. We are a team.’” ― Meyers

This article originally appeared on HuffPost.

Related: 10 Things to Say to Keep the Peace [Provided by Real Simple]

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Teen with autism, usually non-verbal, finds his voice in graduation speech .
Turns out, Sef Scott had a lot to say. Vicki Scott has spent the last 17 years praying to hear her son, who has autism, speak more than a few phrases. When he delivered a commencement address at his high school graduation earlier this month, she couldn't hold back her tears of pride.Sef Scott generally doesn't speak without being prompted. He has the same vocabulary as kids his age, but he usually recites movie lines or phrases or simply responds "yes" or "no" to questions directed at him.When Sef was 2, Vicki Scott and her husband suspected "something was different" about their son, she told NBC News.

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