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Family & Relationships There's a Right Way to Argue With Your Partner, & You're Probably Not Doing It

02:30  16 may  2018
02:30  16 may  2018 Source:   sheknows.com

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For example, if you ’ re arguing about the rent, it ’ s not a good time to also bring up his or her drinking habit. “ Do that too often and it may backfire. You may end up in court and not want to break up,” says Crowder. When you argue with your partner , the end goal should be solving a problem.

More: There ' s a Right Way to Argue With Your Partner , & You ' re Probably Not Doing It . 2. You make more plans without each other. You might think you ’ re hanging out all the time, but how often are you and your partner in the same place but not really interacting?

There's a Right Way to Argue With Your Partner, & You're Probably Not Doing It: Here are the do's & don'ts of arguing with your partner © Getty Images/Design: Kenzie Mastroe/SheKnows Here are the do's & don'ts of arguing with your partner Arguments, believe it or not, are a healthy and normal part of relationships. In many cases, they help you to grow, mature and strengthen a relationship. Of course, these conversations can get out of hand. Here are nine basic ground rules for couples on how to argue the right way.

Related: 10 Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight [Provided by Prevention] 1. 10 Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner During A Fight

Don't use defensive body language

If you want your argument to be as healthy a debate as it can be, it not only involves using the right words but also using your body language to convey a sense of openness. “In other words, don't cross your arms, point your finger or roll your eyes,” says resident dating expert for WhatsYourPrice Heather Ebert. Many studies on communication point to the fact that nonverbal communication is more effective than verbal communication. “Your partner is going to use your nonverbal behavior to determine your intentions and formulate their approach to the argument.”

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Always remember that there have been good times and there will be more after this conflict has been resolved. Try as much as possible not to leave stains that won’t go away easily. However, you have done a great deal trying to establish peace and even your partner has that registered in his heart.

Whether you ’ re just starting to call yourself a couple or have been together for years, almost everyone will learn something about their boo and think, "Holy crap. There ' s a Right Way to Argue With Your Partner , & You ' re Probably Not Doing It .

Don't blame, judge or criticize

Arguing puts us in instant reactive mode, making it impossible to hear one another. “This is how things escalate and becomes an emotional tennis match of slinging insults. Nothing gets accomplished and things are said that compromise trust,” says Lisa Concepcion, a relationship expert and founder of LoveQuest Coaching. “When you blame, judge or criticize during an argument, it divides you as a couple. You're not looking at a solution. You're looking to be right and make the other person wrong.”

Stick to the subject at hand

“Don't go off topic and introduce something new or from a previous conversation,” says Gail Crowder, a certified marriage and life coach. For example, if you’re arguing about the rent, it’s not a good time to also bring up his or her drinking habit. Save that discussion for another time.

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The most productive way to argue , according to psychologists who study relationships. * Copyright © 2018 Insider Inc. All rights reserved. Many of these trends had to do with the way people argued . Instead of waiting for a disagreement to fester like an open wound, talk to your partner as son as you can.

Say what you mean

You want to come across strong, decisive and poignant in an argument, right? “Often, when we try to use the words that will have the most impact, we miss the mark and create an even larger firestorm than before,” explains Ebert. “Don't just say things just because they sound good. You shouldn't have to hurt someone in order to get your point across. And dig deep to find the best way to articulate your thoughts and feelings.” 

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Set a mental time limit for arguing

“Ask yourself, 'How long can I engage in this argument before I lose my temper and say something I don't mean?'” suggests Crowder. You also don’t want these arguments going on all night long and then continuing when you wake up. If you set a limit of fifteen minutes, you can always tell your partner, “Let's continue this discussion later or tomorrow.”

Frame the conversation positively

“When you are communicating with your partner, if you have a negative spin, your partner will respond with their guard up and will be less likely to hear you out,” says relationship expert and CEO of Platinum Poire, Rori Sassoon.

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So let’s talk about the right way to argue . First, it ’s important to remember that arguments are a chance to grow, and that you and your partner I don’t expect you or anyone to stop having negative thoughts. Even after years of practice, I can’t do that and there ’ s no sense in beating yourself up over

Don’t hit below the belt

Don't "say things that you know you are going to regret later. Wounds of the words from a loved one are worse than wounds of war,” says Sassoon. “In addition, don’t yell and be too tough on them. You want them to be able to speak openly and feel safe.” 

Don’t threaten with separation or divorce

If you are throwing, “It makes me want to break up with you,” or “Why don’t we just divorce then?” every time you argue, stop! “Do that too often and it may backfire. You may end up in court and not want to break up,” says Crowder. Even if you aren’t serious, it’s still hurtful for your partner to hear.

Don’t play to win

When you argue with your partner, the end goal should be solving a problem. “It’s not a game of being right. You would rather be happy that your partner understands you and respects you than just being 'right,'” says Sassoon.

Related: How to Argue With a Teen [Provided by ABC]

If Your Partner Doesn't Split Responsibilities Evenly, They're Not a Good Partner OR Parent .
It seems like you can't look at the internet these days without seeing an overworked and stressed-out mom bemoaning that they wish their partners did more. Despite the fact that this is clearly too much for any one person to do on their own, women in heterosexual relationships typically get burdened with most of the tasks. Anyone who's OK with their partner doing all (or a majority) of these things is not a good partner, and they're not a good parent, either. At best, they're inadequate at meeting the needs of the family.

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