Family & Relationships I tried using a 'sex menu' to improve things in the bedroom — and it was a disaster

17:39  23 may  2018
17:39  23 may  2018 Source:   msn.com

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Some couples are using sex menus — an outline of your and your partner's sexual likes and dislikes — to boost their I gave my partner a list of things I want during sex — and it was a total disaster . A sex menu is a way to rank your preference with sex and open up a conversation with your partner.

I tried implementing a sex menu into my relationship, and it didn't have the desired results. I would try role-playing this stuff outside of the bedroom . I would think it 'd be an easier thing to improve upon I Tried Using A Kegel Exerciser Every Day To Improve | Prevention - www.prevention.com.

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  • A "sex menu" is a list of one's sexual preferences, including likes, dislikes, and things to try. 
  • Relationship experts say that it can have a positive impact on your sex life and overall relationship.
  • I tried implementing a sex menu into my relationship, and it didn't have the desired results. 

Does your sex life need a boost? If so, you might want to try out something called a sex menu. Or, at least, that's what I did.

To clarify, my sex life is — and was — perfectly fine. But I am a fledgling sex journalist. So, when my editor sent me a link to an article about something called a "sex menu" and asked if I wanted to try it, I jumped on the opportunity. 

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SEE ALSO: I tried using a ' sex menu ' to improve things in the bedroom — and it was a disaster . FOLLOW US: INSIDER is on Facebook.

Looking to spice things up in the bedroom , here are 5 things you should try . Hannah Cranston and Emily Morse discuss some things you can do to shake up your

And that is how I found myself, late on a Sunday night, emailing Google spreadsheet titled "S*x Menu" to the guy I am seeing.

A sex menu is a way to rank your preference with sex and open up a conversation with your partner.

A sex menu works like this: You think about your past sexual experiences and consider what you liked and did not like about your sexual experiences. Then, you put all the things you like in one column that serves, if you will, as the main course.

The stuff you don't like goes in another column, which is...poison? Food you are allergic to? Food you don't particularly love, but will eat on special occasions when you know it is important to the person serving it to you? It's up to you.

In keeping with this specific food-based analogy, this menu also has dessert; all the sexual things you may not have tried, but would like to do — or would at least consider doing — one day.

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Thinking critically about what you want in the bedroom will only make sex better. For instance, I 've decided that I want to masturbate more in 2017. No matter what your current sex life is like, wanting to improve things in the bedroom is a totally healthy choice to make.

Is sex becoming a little boring for you? Here's how to spice things up in the bedroom so that the sex is much better. Make it a plan to try a new sex position EVERY time you get into bed with a woman, this will not only broaden your mindset This is a great way to keep things exciting in the bedroom .

And that is quite literally all you have to do to create your sex menu. It can be as detailed or as vague as you like. You can also use any medium you prefer to create it, whether it's an Excel document, a Google spreadsheet, pen and paper, or, perhaps, a printed-out mock-up of a real menu. Again — it's up to you.

a woman sitting on a table: looking at menu © Provided by Business Insider Inc looking at menu

My partner didn't know what to make of my menu, which made things difficult.

The main flaw with this experiment was most likely a personal problem — I deeply loathe anything that feels kitschy or cutesy, particularly when it pertains to sex. To me, discussing the things that you'd like to do during sex as "putting them on the menu" or "serving them up" is about as nauseating as it gets. 

All the same, I made a list and sent it over to the person I have been seeing for about six months, who did not know what to make of the whole thing.

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I thought it would be a fun idea to make some of the worst-looking recipes to see if they taste as bad as they look. I tried to arrange it like the pictures but this was IMPOSSIBLE. It was at this point that my kitchen started to become overwhelmed with the smell of dog food and eggs.

Enter the sex menu . This is list of what a person loves, hates, and would be up for trying during foreplay and sex . “Consistently people assume when they get together and they are sexual they develop a way to work and stick with it and don’t experiment.”

"Why did you call it a s*x menu?" he asked me.

"I don't know," I said. "That's not the point."

"I'm confused," he said. 

I, too, was confused. We did not have sex that night.

It's not that the menu presented any problems in the relationship, per se — I didn't feel awkward about discussing it at all, as I sort of expected I might. It's just that the conversation didn't feel all that productive. I already know what I like and don't like in my sex life and, at the risk of revealing too much about my business, it's all working very well for me. 

This is likely due in large part to the fact that, again, I've been dating this person for about six months. If the relationship was in its earlier stages or something more long-term, I might have gotten more out of it. So, while I appreciate the idea of a sex menu in theory, in reality, I think that I am more comfortable sticking to a straight-up discussion. 

Sex menus can be beneficial for many relationships — just not mine.

This is not to say, however, that no one should try a sex menu. When I asked Dr. Jane Greer, a New York-based marriage and sex therapist and author of "What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship," what she thought about the concept of a sex menu, she was in favor of it.

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It felt like he was out there, having sex with anyone and everyone without being respectful of using He tried to turn me against my husband, claiming that he was a fraud and a bad husband and that I It was a really sobering experience and after ending things with that partner, I decided that I didn’t

What sorts of things should all long-term couples try during sex ? And is it weird to feel as though you've dried up on the idea front? When you allow yourself to not know it all in bed , you give yourself permission to to experiment, says Jeske. As non-experts, "we will let ourselves make mistakes, and

"This is a creative idea," Greer said. "It's a way to let your partner know what you're interested in doing, and then they can see if it suits their taste without rejecting it outright. Without discussing these needs, it leaves the door open to disappointment and feelings of frustration. You have to go on record with what you like and dislike so that your needs can be factored into the equation."

It seems to me, at least, that the sex menu practice is probably best suited for people who are just starting to have sex with a new partner and want to lay down preferences in a low-drama way, particularly if either party has any past trauma that makes certain sex acts truly out of the question. It's also ideal for couples who have been together for a long time and have forgotten what made sex enjoyable when they first started dating.

a man lying on a bed: jane the virgin sex © Provided by Business Insider Inc jane the virgin sex

I'm still into the overall idea of using a sex menu. It can be difficult to think critically about the sexual experiences you are having, let alone discuss them with the person you're sleeping with. But simply taking the time to ask yourself what you actually want out of sex is something that more people should probably be doing. 

If you don't want to go the sex menu route, Greer recommended telling your partner about something that you've read or heard about and asking if they'd consider trying it. "If they don't know, then ask if you can try it and find out whether they like it or not," she told INSIDER.

And, if thinking of your sexual pre fences in a menu format does make it easier for you to discuss — or, ahem, more appetizing for you— more power to you.

In any case, it can hardly be a bad idea for more people to start actively considering what makes sex great or not-so-great for them. This particular sex menu method just wasn't exactly the right thing for me.

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