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Family & Relationships Hold a marriage meeting: The 3 things this expert does for a happy marriage

23:50  05 july  2018
23:50  05 july  2018 Source:   today.com

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Marriage principles are in essence things that you should do and things that you should not do or say in a marriage . So we must not rest on the fact that now that we are married we should not show any interest in our partner but let things as they come.

There are bound to be some little things that your partner does that you find annoying, but don’t make a big deal about things that really aren’t all that important. If you fight over every little thing , you will be constantly bickering, and that can’t possibly be a recipe for a happy marriage .

Tips for a happy marriage© Peter Dazeley Tips for a happy marriage Around the time that Adam Grant and his wife Allison Sweet Grant settled into life with children, the couple noticed a development in their marriage: It suddenly seemed based around to-do lists.

"It felt like it was easy for the marriage to center around tasks as opposed to connection and fun activities," Grant, the professor of psychology at Wharton School of Business at University of Pennsylvania, told TODAY. "Allison would have all of these things she wanted me to do and there were all these things I wanted her to do."

It didn't seem like to-do lists were the best way to bond, so Grant and Allison decided to apply some of the techniques Grant discusses in his books to make their marriage happier. It worked.

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Marriage does take work, and like anything else in life, you have to do the work to reap the reward. Listening is the real key to a happy marriage , for that matter, to every relationship. Avoid assumptions, and offer to do nice things for your partner whenever possible. 8. Date night.

A happy marriage is healthy. Marriage may seem as old-fashioned as sepia tone, but repeated research shows that people who remain married to one Criticizing partners publically is humiliating (for both partners), but saying nice things about them when in company is a wonderful thing to do .

Here, Grant shared with TODAY what he and Allison do to keep their marriage happy.

1. Have a marriage meeting.

Every good manager meets with their staff every week. We knew that this was important to manage a work relationship, so why wouldn't we do this at home with a more important relationship?

At some point we said let's find a regular time where we can go through all this stuff. Sometimes, the meetings are five or 10 minutes. Sometimes we have more to go through and they last longer. We provide updates on what needs to be done and give each other feedback.

When we talked about these tasks one off, I would lose sight of that it was important to her. Yet, when we sit down for a weekly meeting and she goes through a list of things to do, it makes them more important to me.

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Here’s the seven point recipe for a happy marriage that she spells out Husbands and wives who hold their partners to a reasonably high standard have better marriages . Protect your marriage by regularly trying new things and sharing new experiences with your spouse.

The first time we did one of these meetings that week was much more fun. We both felt like we were annoying each other less, but also getting the stuff done that needs to be done.

2. Ask questions instead of trying to change your partner.

There are all these things you are trying to persuade your partner to do that you think is good for them. I am late to everything all the time, like chronically late, and everyone who knows me expects me to be about 10 minutes late.

At first, Allison tried to explain when I am late it upsets her.

We go through all this back and forth and I have already justified my behavior and she thinks it is an excuse.

Each person thinks, "I am right."

She would just start to ask me "Are you going to be late today?"

I started to feel these pangs of guilt. I know it upsets her when I am late. I don't feel like she is trying to persuade me. She is asking me a simple question and … I am really motivated to say, "No, today I am not going to be late."

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If you are so inclined, keep score of all the positive things your partner does in a day -- and then thank them. For a happier marriage , address them right away and keep it simple. MORE: Marriage Tips Marriage Advice Relationship Help Happy Marriage Tips How To Have A Happy Marriage .

Expert Blog. The Top 12 Issues That Threaten Even Happy Marriages . like us on facebook. It’s also important that spouses remain supportive of one another’s emotional needs, because when these are met , they won’t have as much interested in looking elsewhere. If Your Man Does These 15 Things , He's Majorly Insecure.

Think about the behavior you want them to do and ask the question, "Do you plan to? Are you going to?"

If you set up the question well, you are going to get more of the answer you are hoping to hear than you are going to if try to change them.

3. Have a conversation about the conversation.

Everyone knows that one of the critical way to improve your marriage is to be a better listener.

Allison and I missed opportunities to be better listeners in all those conversations about me being on time because we didn't clarify the goals.

You can help your partner to be a better listener and one of the ways to do that is to have a conversation about the conversation. If we really understood each other's perspective then we should be able to get on the same page.

The answers have been condensed and edited for clarity.

Related: Should Marriage Be 'As Long As You Love' Or 'As Long As You Live'? [Provided by HuffPost Live]

'It’s thanks to my patience': The world's oldest living married couple share their secret to 80 years of marriage .
Masao and Miyako Matsumoto have broken the record for the oldest living husband and wife. Their secret to such a long-lasting marriage isn't nearly as surprising as you might expect.The Matsumotos have enjoyed such a long life together that they are breaking records— at 108 (Masao) and 100 (Miyako), the couple has been confirmed as the oldest living spouses by aggregate age by Guinness World Records. The pair married in 1937 and have a combined age of 208 years.

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