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Family & Relationships 8 Silent Struggles That Antisocial Moms Have

20:01  16 january  2020
20:01  16 january  2020 Source:   littlethings.com

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a young child smiling at the camera: antisocial-mom-hp © Luis Quintero antisocial-mom-hp

In my head, I’m a mom who loves to plan events and make new friends. In reality, I forget names very quickly and talk myself down, or freeze up, when someone asks me a personal question. While I always have a fun time when I’m out with my already-established friends, those moments are few and far between. Most of them live a state away, and I’m the only mom, meaning that conversations have changed up a little. I try hard not to constantly bring up stories about my daughter, but the truth of the matter is, she’s the most interesting part of my life right now. The lack of communication has made me a little introverted

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Moms everywhere often have trouble making friends. There’s an app out there called Peanut, which is more or less Tinder for moms looking to change that. So far, I’ve made one friend on it. But even that was difficult — I had no problem texting, but when it came to actually hang out? Every worst-case scenario entered my head, from our kids not getting along to an accident happening on my property. In general, texting just seems a lot safer.

While it’s okay to be a little sheltered at times, it’s not really fair to my daughter. There’s so much ahead for her that I’ll need to shift my anxiety to the side. Here are some of the biggest struggles that antisocial, or introverted, moms have.

Birthday Parties

a little girl holding a toy: Birthday Parties © Amponsah Nii Davidson / Pexels Birthday Parties

Both having them and going to them is a pain in the butt. Fun for the kids, but tough for the mom who’s socially awkward. Do you just stand there? Do you try to make small talk with other moms? Leading the festivities can also be challenging. When you invite other kids to your home, you’re literally in for a rough time. Even the sweetest kids can be overwhelming when they outnumber you.

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Knowing how to approach other moms.

Knowing how to approach other moms. © Pixabay / Pexels Knowing how to approach other moms.

It’s tough to feel like all the other moms on the block know each other. It makes me wonder if I’m giving off a “do not approach” vibe since I usually get nothing more than a polite wave. I’d love to be the person to go up to them and chat or invite them over for a playdate, but it’s just difficult. VeryWellMind suggests that a first impression means everything when dealing with neighbors, but it seems like that window already closed.

Failing miserably at small talk.

a woman sitting at a table: Failing miserably at small talk. © Christina Morillo / Pexels Failing miserably at small talk.

Does anyone really care that it’s colder outside today than it was yesterday? These topics are great for jumping-off points, but they never tend to go anywhere. Thus, other parents probably just assume I’m overly enthusiastic about the weather. I wish there was a word or phrase you can say that just states, “I’d like to get to know you better for the sake of our kids, but I don’t participate in many social activities.”

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Being unnatural at school functions.

a woman wearing a blue shirt: Being unnatural at school functions. © Sasiistock / Getty Images Being unnatural at school functions.

This hasn’t come up yet, but I’m still terrified. Other moms seem to have a natural flow when it comes to school activities. I’d be unclear about how to participate — and I’d stress about it for weeks leading up to the event. I know I need to be an active part of my daughter’s educational life, but I don’t see myself openly volunteering for much.

Depending too much on my husband for social interaction.

a woman wearing a green shirt: Depending too much on my husband for social interaction. © Sharon McCutcheon / Unsplash Depending too much on my husband for social interaction.

My husband has always been my best friend, but that’s not always a good thing for someone who’s become antisocial since giving birth. It means that he’s the only adult I feel comfortable talking to, face to face, every day. That dynamic can sometimes be overwhelming for him. It’s important to know how to put yourself out there and expand your network of connections, especially if it includes people who have been through similar experiences.

Avoiding the important questions.

a little boy looking at the camera: Avoiding the important questions. © Jelleke Vanooteghem / Unsplash Avoiding the important questions.

Is there a polite way to ask another parent if there are guns in the house? This question is incredibly important for future playdates but also sounds rude and judgmental. It’s also hard to navigate into a conversation about weapons, as they’re not something the average person chit chats about during daycare pickup. Instead of facing that issue, it just seems a lot easier to hang out at home where I know it’s safe.

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Anxiety over saying the wrong thing.

a person riding on the back of a bicycle: Anxiety over saying the wrong thing. © Humphrey Muleba Anxiety over saying the wrong thing.

I’m extremely close with my kid, but in general, I don’t know how to act with a group of kids — so, I may come off as being avoidant. The problem is, I remember exactly how it felt to be ignored or silenced by an adult when I was younger. Many kids are raised to believe that adults don’t have faults, so I always figured that the strange response back was based on something I did. It still sticks with me, and I’d hate to make another child feel like they’re not important.

Normalizing this behavior for my daughter.

a girl sitting in front of a book shelf: Normalizing this behavior for my daughter. © Zinkevych / Getty Images Normalizing this behavior for my daughter.

Right now, she’s two-and-a-half — and a real firecracker. I’m impressed with her social skills, and actually envy her a little. She’s not afraid of meeting new people. If I don’t become more of a people-person, I’m scared she’ll eventually pattern her behavior off of mine. As parents, we’re responsible for setting good examples. I need to remind her that people aren’t scary, and by saying no to invites out of fear, you’ll miss out on life.

Related video: How to raise kids who will succeed in the workplace (provided by Inc.)


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