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Family & Relationships So, You Have a Sexless Marriage—Can Your Relationship Survive?

23:28  30 january  2020
23:28  30 january  2020 Source:   oprahmag.com

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Okay, so what makes a marriage sexless ? Many experts consider the definition of a sexless marriage as one that engages in sexual intercourse less A 1994 survey in The Social Organization of Sexuality showed that roughly 15 to 20 percent of married couples are in a sexless relationship .

So what exactly constitutes a sexless marriage ? There’s no precise definition, though A sexless marriage is not as likely to survive long term when The couple has mismatched libidos. “If you have been working on your sex life for six months with no or limited results, I recommend seeking

There may come a point in your marriage when you notice that you aren’t having as much sex as you used to (because...life). You might wonder how much sex is considered healthy and whether or not you should be concerned, especially if you would never describe your union as loveless. According to a report from the General Social Survey, the average married couple has sex about 58 times per year, or a little more than once per week. This falls in line with a 2017 study from the Archives of Sexual Behavior that surveyed 14,885 married people, aged 18 to 70+, and found that the average married adult, err, goes at it, 56 times a year, or roughly once a week, a decrease from 1989 when it was 67 times per year. However, what’s considered “normal” can vary for many couples, and just because you're not having sex doesn't necessarily mean you're headed for a divorce if you're both otherwise satisfied.

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How to Survive a Sexless Marriage . Regardless of your role in a relationship , dealing with Seeing a counselor shows that you both want to put effort into making your relationship the best it can be. Privacy is hard to come by when you have kids. If possible, try getting a babysitter so you can go on

Can a Sexless Marriage Survive ? by: Dave Willis. My wife Ashley and I have received thousands of marriage -related questions online, at live Do not deprive each other of sexual relations , unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more

a person on a bed: While a sexless marriage doesn't always end in divorce, a relationship does need a level of intimacy to survive. Here's how to fix your sexless marriage.© Getty Images While a sexless marriage doesn't always end in divorce, a relationship does need a level of intimacy to survive. Here's how to fix your sexless marriage.

“Some people will tell you that they have too little sex-and that could mean it’s only three times a week, as in, it used to be three times a day, and now its dropped down considerably,” Dr. Sue Varma, board-certified psychiatrist, couples counselor and sex educator on faculty at NYU Langone Health, says. “Another person may say, wow, I’d do anything to have sex that frequently with my partner. People get into unrealistic comparisons with others over some arbitrary standard." However, Dr. Varma thinks if you can’t remember the last time you’ve had sex with your partner, then it might be an issue.

How to Fix a Sexless Marriage, According to Sex Therapists

  How to Fix a Sexless Marriage, According to Sex Therapists Some words of wisdom from some experienced therapists.“There are numerous causes for a sexless marriage to develop. Many times it doesn’t have anything to do with sex,” says Sarah E. Clark, a licensed therapist and relationship expert. “When couples start to drift apart, lose their connection, take each other for granted, or build up resentment toward each other, their sex life is drastically impacted. You can think of sex as the barometer of the relationship.” According to Clark, open communication is key to working your way out of a sexless situation. “To fix a sexless marriage you need to treat whatever the root cause is for that couple.

A Sexless Committed Relationship Can Lead to Many Relationship Problems. Marriages and committed relationships survive and thrive because there is mutual attraction between the 7. After you have established a healthy sex life with your partner, how will that improve your marriage or

Can a Sexless Marriage Survive ? You will also need to have patience. A happy, healthy sex life takes the willingness and desire of both spouses. If your relationship has been in a sexual dry spell for a while, getting back to point where you both feel comfortable and satisfied may take some time.

“Life would be easier if we could state an actual scientific number of how many times we should have sex but in reality, there is no right answer to this equation, Patrice N. Douglas, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Owner of Empire Counseling & Consultation, says. “Once a week seems to be the ideal for most marriages but sometimes once a month can be healthy as well.”

Okay, so what makes a marriage sexless?

Many experts consider the definition of a sexless marriage as one that engages in sexual intercourse less than 10 times a year. However, Varma prefers not assigning a specific number as there are varying definitions. “Sexual intimacy can take so many forms and expressions and isn’t strictly limited to genital contact in the traditional sense,” Dr. Varma explains. “I would say that the idea of a sexless marriage also alludes to a variety of unmet needs.” Needs, of course, range from person to person. So it’s important for you and your partner to let each other know if yours are not being met.

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A sexless marriage . A dating drought. Whatever you want to call a dip in sexual frequency, most of us have had the So, once you determine what's causing the rut, you have to decide whether or not you can survive in your relationship sans sex (or less sex than you 'd like) — and really, only you can

Can a Sexless Marriage Survive ? December 2, 2015 by Amanda Morin. An overwhelming majority of readers say there's no way they would stay in a sexless marriage . Some women, like Melissa, have tried to downplay the importance of sex to keep any conflict over it out of the relationship .

Having less sex during marriage is common.

A 1994 survey in The Social Organization of Sexuality showed that roughly 15 to 20 percent of married couples are in a sexless relationship. Many different factors can contribute to a decrease in intimacy. There can be life stressors like financial struggles, as well as physical changes such as weight gain or loss that can cause insecurity, and mental health issues, to name a few.

Of course, there can also be issues in the relationship like resentment, infidelity, and boredom. All of these factors can affect the desire to have sex with your spouse. “In the beginning of a relationship, many couples make it a priority to have sex,” Dr. Varma says. “Over time, we become habituated and desensitized to the novelty of it all, and there is a more common, deeper sense of knowing someone.” Douglas adds that droughts are normal.

A sexless marriage can survive.

While there isn’t much research showing the survival rate of a sexless marriage, they don't always lead to divorce. Though, according to Douglas, a lack of intimacy should still be taken seriously.While sex does not define or keep a marriage together it can cause additional relationship issues related to anger, isolation, infidelity, and those could end in divorce,” she says. Dr. Varma adds, “If there is conflict and contempt, and one or both partners doesn’t take any responsibility, this can erode trust and love in a relationship."

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What happens in a marriage without intimacy?

Dr. Varma points out that many people end up slowly easing into this change and find it becomes normal. “There are some partners who don’t have sex-they have resigned themselves into some sort of agreement,” Dr. Varma says. She also says some stay together because they feel it’s better than separating or are too afraid to make the effort to change things. Some couples may also feel that the benefits, whether it’s companionship, financial, co-parenting, or security, outweigh the decision to separate. Whereas others just don't value sex that much, which is also okay.

Sexless marriages can be fixed.

If you’re in a sexless marriage and want to fix it, there is hope. A lot of it is based on communication and a willingness to be open with your needs. Dr. Varma suggests finding a time to speak when both partners are not feeling angry, tired, or stressed. Read: skip the late-night pillow talk.

“Talk about the way it’s making you feel; maybe you are the one who wants to have more sex, better sex or just affection,” she says. And it might sound odd, but making time in your calendar [can help], “Some people think this is so unsexy,” Dr. Varma points out, adding that you can still be spontaneous even when you’ve made your intentions known. Sending texts that are playful, and flirtatious can help plant the seeds of seduction, she says.

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If your partner is the one who is more concerned about the lack of sex, listen to their concerns, be understanding, and make sure you’re willing to communicate. Douglas also says it’s important to create intimacy beyond "sex," whether it’s with physical affection like hugging, kissing, or caressing of the hair, or with compliments. You can also show your partner that you care by spending time with them, or doing things that might make their day easier.

Sometimes it’s fine if there’s no sex.

Some marriages don’t necessarily need sex, and that’s okay, too. There are plenty of reasons for not having sex, ranging from cultural to health-related, or simply personal preference. “It depends on the relationship,” Douglas says. “Some people don’t engage in sexual intimacy and are fine with it.”

Bottom line: just communicate.

According to Dr. Varma, the reality is that people sometimes have different narratives in their heads. Sex can serve different purposes, whether it’s a form of bonding, a type of expression, connection, intimacy and feeling love and desired. If a partner is connecting these feelings to the act of physical sex, the absence of it might greatly affect the relationship. Which is why it’s always important to have open communication with each other to make sure you’re on the same page.

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