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Family & Relationships How You Parent Probably Doesn't Matter as Much as You Think

18:45  05 february  2020
18:45  05 february  2020 Source:   lifehacker.com

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How much of who we are is determined by our genetic makeup and how much is a direct result of the environment we grow up in? Parenting does matter —of course it does—just not in the overly complicated, competitive, anxiety-ridden way most of us have been led to believe.

What if parenting doesn ’ t make much of a difference at all to the way our kids turn out? That’s the argument that will be made by the genetics We might think that certain parenting styles produce certain kinds of children – for example, that overprotective parents cause their offspring to be anxious.

a person sitting on a bench posing for the camera© Photo: Shutterstock

As someone who writes about parenting a lot and with the exact goal of helping to make all aspects of this monstrous, daunting task a little easier, I did a little double-take when I saw this headline in Today’s Parent: Does Parenting Even Matter? It better matter! Otherwise, why am I sitting here writing about potty training and when to accommodate a picky eater and how to deal with a toddler’s fear of automatic toilets? These things matter.

But then I read the whole article, which I also suggest you do, and I feel better. Actually, I feel really damn good—because the gist of it is that the parts about parenting that we enjoy—loving our kids, supporting our kids, bonding with our kids—does matter. All the other stuff, though—how strict we are or whether they have a chore chart or if we signed them up for toddler yoga—has much less to do with how they’ll turn out.

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How You Parent Probably Doesn ' t Matter as Much as You Think . (This happens a lot more than you think !) Is there a yearly upgrade/maintenance/rate increase fee? Additionally, Alexander Juan Antonio Cortes, a personal trainer, suggests clarifying terms such as “all-access” and asking whether

College Application Essays Don' t Matter as Much as You Think . Parents : sit down before you read this. Kids: deep breaths. You know that beautifully crafted, deeply felt, highly unusual No matter how gorgeous your prose is, you can’ t get into college based on the strength of your essay alone.

It’s the old nature vs. nurture debate. How much of who we are is determined by our genetic makeup and how much is a direct result of the environment we grow up in?

A professor at King’s College, London, Plomin is one of the world’s leading experts on the study of identical twins, and his book Blueprint explores how DNA forms human character. At a recent public debate in London, he was unequivocal: “Parenting matters,” he said, “but not in terms of determining a child’s psychological outcome.”

What Plomin means is that while it’s hugely important that we love and care for our kids, other things matter far less. According to Plomin, new data shows things like which school your child goes to, whether they travel, how many books you read them when they’re small and how hard (or if) you push them into certain activities, aren’t likely to have much, if any, effect on who they fundamentally are now, or who they become. Put another way: If your child is defiant and strong-willed, they’re almost certainly going to spend their life challenging authority whether you run your household on a strict military timetable or unschool them in a yurt.

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Oh god what have I done? I'm disagreeing with multiple YouTubers who are much smarter than me.

The average primary debate doesn ’ t usually change much about the dynamics of a primary. I collected the RealClearPolitics polling averages for the 2012 and Despite some of the coverage he’s attracted for controversial statements, that has probably helped him: He’s ahead in the polls, and voters are

I’m choosing to see this as a good thing, but it is a bit of double-edged sword. It means that if we mess up a little, if we get a little too helicoptery or we never really manage to implement a solid bedtime routine, it doesn’t really matter in any long-term, fundamental way. Consistently letting them stay up 20 minutes too late is nothing compared to making them feel safe and loved.

On the other hand, the reverse is true. We might nag them every day about the importance of doing their homework on time, but hey, a procrastinator is gonna procrastinate. We can’t really take credit for how great they turned out, but we also don’t necessarily need to shoulder all the blame if they turn out less-than-great. We can do a lot less hand-wringing over the details, is the point:

Parenting does matter—of course it does—just not in the overly complicated, competitive, anxiety-ridden way most of us have been led to believe. Our kids are born who they are, Plomin says. As parents, it’s our job to love, support, accept and enjoy them. The rest is gravy.

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No matter where we are, we always make time for birthdays, holidays, Indian festivals, the yearly camping trip, summer barbecues, visits to the beach and weddings in India. How You Parent Probably Doesn ' t Matter as Much as You Think .

Parenting Doesn ’ t Matter . We’re all terrified we’re going to mess up our kids. The science says we probably won’t have much impact at all. Parents tend to understand the weird-shit rule, yet parents also tend to think that they’re exceptions. They might be scared their shit is weird by accident, and

I’ll keep coming up with new parenting hacks for you, though. Because we do have to potty train them; picky-eaters can be frustrating; and those automatic flushers are LOUD. How we handle any of it might not have huge future implications, but it can still make today a little easier.

Related video: How to raise kinder children, according to experts (provided by TODAY)


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A licensed therapist says these can be some of the deepest and most enlightening sessions. This doesn’t diminish the benefits of the sessions where the topics of conversation and emotions are at the ready, as much as it speaks to the benefits of therapy even when it doesn’t feel needed that day.It’s easy to think that because there is no stress or major issue to talk about on the day of a session that it must mean there is actually nothing to talk about or happening at all.

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