Family & Relationships How to Be a Great Co-Parent If You Don't Get Along With Your Ex

18:45  06 february  2020
18:45  06 february  2020 Source:   parents.com

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You don ' t have to like your ex , but you damn sure have to respect them. Treat It Like a Business. Communication is important in a co - parenting relationship, but keeping it just about the children is totally OK. Being able to check in with your ex about how the kids are when they are with you or not

Sometimes it can feel like getting along with your parents is impossible. However, they are perhaps your best teachers, and will likely influence many of Like any relationship, in order to maintain your relationship with your parents , you will need to be able to spend time together just like when you are

You know those celebrities that consciously uncouple (ahem, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin)? The ones who actively promote their love for the ex-spouse making the rest of us feel like failures for not having the desire to skip through the world of divorce, hand-in-hand, singing "Kumbaya" alongside the person you couldn't make a marriage work with?

Even if you're not best friends with your ex, it's OK. It may not be realistic for some people. But you can still be a great parent anyway.© Illustration by Parents Staff; Getty Images (1) Even if you're not best friends with your ex, it's OK. It may not be realistic for some people. But you can still be a great parent anyway.

Well forget them, because they might not be you. And you know what? They're not me, either.

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Your co - parenting relationship with your ex is a business relationship. You ’re likely going to hear about how things are going in your ex ’s household from your children. Your ex is the parent. And your support system should not have any input into the co - parenting relationship the two of you have.

If you 're not close with your parents , you 're not alone. Therapist Samantha Rodman explains why we can fall out with family, and tips for how to deal. You get to be the accepting, loving, caring parent that you always would have wanted. Of course, don ’ t have children only to try and heal from your own

Sure, as much as I would enjoy a made-for-TV movie friendship with my ex-husband, the odds of that happening are about as likely as us getting back together. It was a tough pill to swallow once I realized that even though I was comfortable with being friendly, my ex was not, but somehow, we keep on keeping on. In fact, my commitment to putting aside our differences and standing together in the face of our daughter was so strong that I even invited my ex-husband to join us for her first Disney experience last spring. (Yes, you read that right.)

But if we're all going to be honest with ourselves, being besties with your former spouse just isn't the norm. Sure, in a perfect world it would be, but then again, we could argue that in a perfect world, you wouldn't have gotten divorced and all marriages would be endlessly harmonious and full of passion.

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Wouldn’ t it be nice if every divorce ended peacefully and amicably? Where two parents sharing the responsibility of a child could co - parent easily, without drama or hassle? Wouldn’ t it be wonderful if there was an easy way to handle child support? Well, the answer to all of these is a resounding yes.

Co - parenting successfully with an ex requires compromise from both parents. Try to stay flexible to keep things working well. Unfortunately, this is a common mistake for separated parents that don ’ t want to deal directly with each other, but you don ' t have to make it too.

Look, it's scary. Many people leave their marriage with feelings of resentment and pain. In the meantime, you're left to wonder how to move on from a marriage while simultaneously sharing children with someone you will no longer share a life with.

I hear so many people talk about how much they dislike their ex, and each and every time I am compelled to cut them off and say, "Well, yeah, duh, that's why you're divorced."

Repeat after me: You do not have to turn a soured marriage into a deep, meaningful friendship in order for your co-parenting lifestyle to work. In fact, you don't even have to like your ex to make it work. Why? Because it's not about you—it's about your kids, and if you're ever going to be able to co-parent effectively, you'll have to stop trying to force your ex to live up to this unrealistic expectation of a friendship that just may not be in the cards, and move forward.

Let's pretend for a moment, that your ex-spouse was your boss at the dream job you waited your whole life for. Let's pretend that job is your kid—because, isn't it? If you finally landed that dream job but couldn't stand your boss, would you let it affect your work? No, of course not, because you'd get fired.

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While true co - parenting would be to make all of the decisions together, it may not be feasible if you can't work together. That's why it's important to decide Try thinking of your ex as a colleague rather than an ex . You probably don ' t like everyone you work with, but you still must get along with them in

The best way to get along is to keep the lines of communication open at all times. Take the time to get to know the other people in your boyfriend’s life before you decide you don ’ t like them. Counseling is especially helpful for couples who grew up in dysfunctional homes or had parents who

By the way, your kids did not ask to be in this situation. The kids, however, are the ones who are thrust into a whole new world of existence after your marriage hits the skids. Everything you do, and I repeat everything you engage in regarding your relationship with your ex, should be about them, for them, and in the best interest of them.

It's not the easiest thing to navigate, but here's how to be a great co-parent, even if your schedule does not include weekly coffee dates and long, friendly conversations with your ex-spouse.

Treat It Like a Business

Back to that whole boss/job thing. In the early days of my separation, I was completely caught up in emotion and worried about how my ex might react to painful bits of news, such as "I'm taking our daughter on vacation with my new fiancé." My lawyer gave me the advice to treat our relationship like a business. We reserved communication to email, we kept things simple and dry, and I really enforced the need-to-know basis thing, fully drawing lines in the sand and setting boundaries.Model Respect

You don't have to like your ex, but you damn sure have to respect them. The more respectful the relationship between the two of you, the more comfortable your child or children will be with your new co-parenting situation. If a child observes one parent talking badly about the other, thus disrespecting both the parent and the child at this point, alienation will inevitably occur. And research shows that bringing kids into your adult drama can lead to "feelings of helplessness and insecurity, causing children to question their own strengths and abilities."

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If you want your parents to stop treating you like a child, make sure you never give them an excuse by acting like one. That means no yelling or whining, no matter how much they aggravate You don ’ t have to tell them everything, but the more open you are with them, the less they’ll feel the need to pry.

Follow these tips to learn how to get along with your coworkers. Sometimes colleagues become friends, at least while at work. It's great if you are entirely at ease with them, but be wary of feeling so comfortable that you don ' t think any subjects should be off limits.

Have Open Lines of Communication

Communication is important in a co-parenting relationship, but keeping it just about the children is totally OK. Being able to check in with your ex about how the kids are when they are with you or not with you, when an issue arises at school, and/or when you have concerns about your child will ensure that you remain on the same page with covering the children's needs. If there is an issue in one home that is not appropriately addressed in the other home, this could have a profound impact not only on your kids, but on your ex's ability to trust you.

Set Boundaries

It is no secret that children thrive with consistency. Having two sets of rules in two different homes—if one parent allows television before bed and the other does not, for example—can send very negative and mixed messages to the children, increasing any anxiety associated with "the unknown." It's important to agree on boundaries that both you and your ex can maintain with the children.

Speaking of boundaries, it's important to set these for your co-parenting relationship with your ex. Your co-parenting relationship should leave no room for one parent to badger the other with questions about their personal life or their plans with the kids on their time. There's no need to micromanage time spent with the kids. Unless your child's well-being is at stake, a boundary needs to be set to ensure that this relationship is on a need-to-know basis and nothing more.

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Co - parenting is the concept of shared parenting duties following separation or divorce. When both parents are capable, a robust co - parenting What can you do when you ’re trying to co - parent , but simply can’ t get along with your ex ? Below are a few things for devoted parents to think about.

We often don ' t have the luxury of avoiding someone we dislike, or even letting our irritation show. The ability to treat people politely and respectfully can be Focus on the countdown. Remind yourself that you only have to be stuck with this person for a limited amount of time. Count how many minutes you

Above all else, if you can't make these things work and find a mature, respectful balance with your ex, just promise me this one thing: Do not ever, under any circumstances, let your child become a pawn or an audience for your feelings about your ex. You may be hurting about your divorce, but your child does not have to carry that burden for you.

Michelle Dempsey-Multack is a mother, writer, speaker, marketing expert, and fierce girl-gang enthusiast. A native New Yorker, Michelle now resides in Miami with her 4-year-old daughter, Bella, her husband Spencer, a beautiful step-daughter, and a very needy cat.

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