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Health & FitNarcissists seem like total catches at first because of 3 desirable traits many have

13:16  18 april  2019
13:16  18 april  2019 Source:   wellandgood.com

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A relationship with a narcissist isn't desirable , so why do we keep falling for them? “ Narcissists are comfortable having other people focus on them.They may speak in a very confident way. Many narcissists are confident in their stance of being right, so if you’re someone who likes to debate, this

These narcissists have many antisocial traits that are not present in the other two major types and are often compared with sociopaths and Because the term narcissist is used so frequently and in such an arbitrary way, it has become difficult to tell when it should be taken seriously, or even to what

Narcissists seem like total catches at first because of 3 desirable traits many have© Photo: Getty Images/Tom Werner Reasons for loving a narcissist make sense, but you can stop

Lacking empathy, caring little for others' feelings or interests, being completely self-involved.... The emotional résumé of a narcissist is pretty much the exact opposite of what most people want in a forever (or even a just-for-now) partner. So why then do so many daters fall into their trap, providing them the attention they crave so much?

"There are a variety of hooks associated with narcissism that draw us in, not necessarily all in the same [narcissistic] person," says clinical psychologist Laurie Helgoe, PhD, who literally wrote the book on why, in American culture especially, it's so common for folks to willingly enter destructive relationships with narcissists. (Seriously, it's called Fragile Bully.)

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People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder develop a number of very predictable defenses that they use to try and keep their self-esteem high. Here are a few of the most common ones : Status Hierarchies: All Narcissists are hyperaware of the prevailing status hierarchies in their culture or group.

The reason why a Narcissists manipulate is because their entire being is a lie! I ’ve lived with a narcissist (NPD) for a very long time and have a sister who’s also one and met many others and have examined so many of their traits and felt so much of the impact on me and those I love that I ’m rather

And, she says, not all instances of narcissism necessarily indicate toxicity and doom. "Moderate degrees of narcissism can relate to confidence, an ability to advocate for oneself, and expressing oneself. So not having any narcissism at all isn't good either."

But when these traits are taken to the extreme, the relationship is at risk for heading south. Keep reading to see how that looks (it's not as obvious as you may think) and what to do about it.

Scroll down to learn 3 ways narcissists pull you in—and what to do about it.

1. Hook: Confidence

"A narcissist can be very bold and confident and willing to draw attention to themselves," Dr. Helgoe says. This can be an especially powerful hook for people who are more introverted and not so personally interested in being center stage, but thrive from getting the attention of someone who is. "Narcissists are comfortable having other people focus on them. They may speak in a very confident way. Those things can be compelling," she adds.

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In this video, I examine the key traits that increase the romantic appeal of narcissists at initial contact and how this helps explain the increased success

Be clear, narcissists are narcissists . They behave like they do because of their unmet, unhealed inner trauma that they have no desire to resolve, and they are not magically going to be nice to you, once you heal your relationship with yourself. Rather, you will no longer accept treatment from anyone

"Narcissists are comfortable having other people focus on them.They may speak in a very confident way. Those things can be compelling." —clinical psychologist Laurie Helgoe, PhD

Again, in moderation, all of these qualities are great. "It's only when they don't allow space for anyone else that they become problematic," she says.

How to kick the habit: Practice taking steps to feel more confident in yourself. Doing so will help to quiet the subconscious desire to bask in the rays of someone else's confidence. "It's important to identify what draws us in and realizing that about our own behavior," Dr. Helgoe says.

2. Hook: Vulnerability

Dr. Helgoe breaks narcissists into two groups, grandiose and vulnerable, and says knowing the key differences between them is key. "Grandiose narcissists are the ones we usually think of that are really into themselves, brag a lot, and like being the focus," Dr. Helgoe says. "But for a vulnerable narcissist, even any hint of a criticism can make them fall a part. They really need constant reassurance and constant bolstering."

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People find narcissists more attractive than non- narcissists — at least, when it comes to dating. We live in a culture of very, very quick first impressions, where your decision to have sex with Narcissists get dates because it looks like they’re TRYING. Which is something to keep in mind the

The inner need to want to take care of someone can make this a particularly strong hook for many singles. "It's that idea of 'everyone else has failed me, but you get to be the one person who helps me,'" Dr. Helgoe says, adding that people with narcissistic-leaning tendencies do often have painful pasts. She adds that related to this hook is wanting to "fix someone," something else many people, often women, who have good intentions fall into.

How to kick the habit: Recognize what could be drawing you to someone with these traits. "A narcissist is always focused on their own needs," Dr. Helgoe says, explaining that your partner should be willing to listen to your needs, too. "One way to get them to listen to you is to say, 'You are important to me, so I really need you to understand what's going on with me right now.'" Now, whether or not you're willing to actually do that—and they're willing to comply—is an entire other matter.

3. Hook: Sexy tension

Virtually every romantic comedy starts with the two protagonists starting on shaky terms. "Some people are drawn into the challenge of a narcissist; wanting to combat and win," Dr. Helgoe says. Many narcissists are confident in their stance of being right, so if you're someone who likes to debate, this could be a potential hook.

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More often than not (especially relationships that began before so much information about narcissism was available) the concept of NPD was foreign to you. -After a few months or years they will start to Devalue because of the boredom and once the sinificant other is hooked up to their games.

A narcissist child fantasizes much more than a normal child, but most importantly, values the delusions of their fantasy over reality itself. This is a point of no return. It’s also what allows the narcissist to do things other people cannot, like vehemently deny something they’ve just done.

How to kick the habit: Pay attention to how the tiff is going. A healthy argument allows for both points of views to be respected and heard—even if both parties don't ultimately agree. If you aren't being heard, recognize this as a red flag and resist the bait.

Avoiding a relationship with a narcissist requires both knowing the red flags to watch out for and also being aware of your own vulnerabilities. With that in mind, you can move forward to healthier, more fulfilling, and more equitable relationships.

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