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Smart Living16 Compliments You Didn’t Realize Are Actually Pretty Insulting

15:40  31 december  2018
15:40  31 december  2018 Source:   rd.com

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It's fine to compliment specific things—for example, 'That was great how you handled that tantrum so patiently'—but steer clear of general platitudes. 'I'm so impressed that you are handling the kids so well!' Telling your spouse you 're so impressed with how they parent in a general way can make it seem like

This “ compliment ” reads both as an insult to their reproductive choices—” You have too many kids”—and to their children, implying they must be a saint to deal with them. Check out our list of 11 words and phrases that used to be insults and are now compliments .

16 Compliments You Didn’t Realize Are Actually Pretty Insulting© Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com, shutterstock When you congratulate chronically late friends on making it on time you may think you're rewarding good behavior but your 'compliment' will likely have the opposite effect. 'You're just pointing out that lateness is their norm and calling attention to that,' says Laura MacLeod, a licensed social worker and founder of From The Inside Out Project. 'This also can come across as condescending.' Think twice before starting a sentence with any of these 10 phrases.

'Hey, you're on time!'

When you congratulate chronically late friends on making it on time you may think you're rewarding good behavior but your 'compliment' will likely have the opposite effect. 'You're just pointing out that lateness is their norm and calling attention to that,' says Laura MacLeod, a licensed social worker and founder of From The Inside Out Project. 'This also can come across as condescending.' Think twice before starting a sentence with any of these 10 phrases.

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This “ compliment ” reads both as an insult to their reproductive choices—” You have too many kids”—and to their children, implying they must Read on for our list of 7 magic phrases that can save an awkward conversation. Originally published as 16 Compliments You Didn ’ t Realize Are Actually

16 Compliments You Didn ’ t Realize Are Actually Pretty Insulting . Royal Family Christmas Traditions You Didn ' t Know About. Video. 3-year-old boy sings national anthem at college basketball game.

16 Compliments You Didn’t Realize Are Actually Pretty Insulting© Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com, shutterstock People love getting compliments on a new look but when you add on anything extra you run the risk of pointing out that they looked worse before—in this scenario, you're saying their old hairstyle made them look old, says Wyatt Fisher, PhD, a licensed psychologist in Colorado. Just stick to the compliment, there's no need to elaborate, he adds.

'Your new hairstyle makes you look so much younger!'

People love getting compliments on a new look but when you add on anything extra you run the risk of pointing out that they looked worse before—in this scenario, you're saying their old hairstyle made them look old, says Wyatt Fisher, PhD, a licensed psychologist in Colorado. Just stick to the compliment, there's no need to elaborate, he adds.

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Culture. 16 Compliments You Didn ’ t Realize Are Actually Pretty Insulting . You may have the best of intentions, but you need to check yourself before uttering 70 Words (and Phrases) You ’re Probably Using All Wrong.

That is , as long as you never put these 16 foods in your blender. However, NutriBullet, the producer of powerful blenders known for their ability to extract nutrients from produce, has been catching some serious flak as of late, due to a 16 Compliments You Didn ’ t Realize Are Actually Pretty Insulting .

16 Compliments You Didn’t Realize Are Actually Pretty Insulting© Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com, shutterstock Telling your spouse you're so impressed with how they parent in a general way can make it seem like you're surprised they're managing at all, Fisher says. This is especially true when it's the primary parent (often the mom), 'complimenting' the other parent (often the dad). It's fine to compliment specific things—for example, 'That was great how you handled that tantrum so patiently'—but steer clear of general platitudes.

'I'm so impressed that you are handling the kids so well!'

Telling your spouse you're so impressed with how they parent in a general way can make it seem like you're surprised they're managing at all, Fisher says. This is especially true when it's the primary parent (often the mom), 'complimenting' the other parent (often the dad). It's fine to compliment specific things—for example, 'That was great how you handled that tantrum so patiently'—but steer clear of general platitudes.

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Where’s the wit? The double entendres? You can’t tell me that the founding fathers didn ’ t trade in some bawdy tales at the local pub following a hard day of bickering over search and seizure. 16 Compliments You Didn ’ t Realize Are Actually Pretty Insulting .

16 Parents Who Definitely Got Creative With This Whole Meet The Feminist Academics Championing Trans Rights. People Are Sharing Obvious Things That They Only Just TL;DR: It's not a compliment if it has a qualifier. Jessica Probus.

16 Compliments You Didn’t Realize Are Actually Pretty Insulting© Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com, shutterstock When someone is going through something tough we want to express our support and our confidence in their ability to handle it. Unfortunately saying this just calls attention to the fact that their life really stinks right now without adding anything helpful, says Caleb Backe, a health and wellness expert for Maple Holistics. Moreover, sometimes people don't want to be 'strong' or they don't feel like they can handle their challenges and this comment can make them feel even less adequate because they're not doing what they're 'supposed' to do. Add this to your list of 10 things you shouldn't bring up at family get-togethers.

'You are such a strong person!'

When someone is going through something tough we want to express our support and our confidence in their ability to handle it. Unfortunately saying this just calls attention to the fact that their life really stinks right now without adding anything helpful, says Caleb Backe, a health and wellness expert for Maple Holistics. Moreover, sometimes people don't want to be 'strong' or they don't feel like they can handle their challenges and this comment can make them feel even less adequate because they're not doing what they're 'supposed' to do. Add this to your list of 10 things you shouldn't bring up at family get-togethers.

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Everyone loves compliments when they are respectful, delivered in a consensual way, and, you know, not racist. It would seem like common sense by now to take racism No matter what your race, ethnic background, or language is , here are some examples of compliments you didn ' t realize were racist.

16 Compliments You Didn ’ t Realize Are Actually Pretty Insulting . 70 Words (and Phrases) You ’re Probably Using All Wrong.

16 Compliments You Didn’t Realize Are Actually Pretty Insulting© Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com, shutterstock This 'compliment' has many nauseating variations and is often used as a subtle form of racism, sexism, or other problematic biases, says Irina Baechle, licensed social worker, a relationship therapist and coach. 'You're so articulate...for a black person.' 'You're in such good shape...for a mom.' 'You're so smart...for someone who's never been to college.' You never need whatever follows the 'for'; just stop with 'You're so well-spoken/fit/intelligent/etc.' Watch out for these other phrases smart people never say.

'You're a really good driver... for a woman!'

This 'compliment' has many nauseating variations and is often used as a subtle form of racism, sexism, or other problematic biases, says Irina Baechle, licensed social worker, a relationship therapist and coach. 'You're so articulate...for a black person.' 'You're in such good shape...for a mom.' 'You're so smart...for someone who's never been to college.' You never need whatever follows the 'for'; just stop with 'You're so well-spoken/fit/intelligent/etc.' Watch out for these other phrases smart people never say.

16 Compliments You Didn’t Realize Are Actually Pretty Insulting© Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com, shutterstock You may be trying to give someone their hard-earned credit but this can also be a backhanded way of saying they're not a team player. In addition, this is only considered a compliment at all for people living in societies that put a high importance on the individual, like the U.S. For someone that is from a culture that values group or family success over individual achievement, this may not only feel insulting but also humiliating, explains Jason Sackett, an executive coach and author of [email protected]: Creating Workplaces that Engage the Human Spirit.

'You did a fantastic job handling that project on your own!'

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Women deal with tons of insults — and appearance-related " compliments " that are really insults — already, so the last Other times, we really do mean something insulting — we just When it comes to compliments about someone's looks, " you look great" and " you 're gorgeous" are pretty fail-proof.

There are many compliments you may not realize are gendered, but they actually call attention to traits prized based on gender roles — or they might even be gendered insults in disguise. If you listen to the compliments people around you are receiving, you 'll probably notice that men and women

You may be trying to give someone their hard-earned credit but this can also be a backhanded way of saying they're not a team player. In addition, this is only considered a compliment at all for people living in societies that put a high importance on the individual, like the U.S. For someone that is from a culture that values group or family success over individual achievement, this may not only feel insulting but also humiliating, explains Jason Sackett, an executive coach and author of [email protected]: Creating Workplaces that Engage the Human Spirit.

16 Compliments You Didn’t Realize Are Actually Pretty Insulting© Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com, shutterstock Who doesn't like to hear that you find them attractive? A lot of people, it turns out. Commenting on someone's appearance when you don't have a close personal relationship with them—like a coworker, casual acquaintance, or a stranger—can make them feel uncomfortable or even harassed, depending on the context, Sackett says. Plus, it's kind of a lazy compliment. 'The most powerful (and safest) compliments are those that you know the recipient will feel connected to before you offer it,' he adds. Not sure what to say? Start with these 37 conversation starters that make you instantly interesting.

'You're so gorgeous!'

Who doesn't like to hear that you find them attractive? A lot of people, it turns out. Commenting on someone's appearance when you don't have a close personal relationship with them—like a coworker, casual acquaintance, or a stranger—can make them feel uncomfortable or even harassed, depending on the context, Sackett says. Plus, it's kind of a lazy compliment. 'The most powerful (and safest) compliments are those that you know the recipient will feel connected to before you offer it,' he adds. Not sure what to say? Start with these 37 conversation starters that make you instantly interesting.

Compliments activate the same part of your brain as getting cash, psychotherapist says

Compliments activate the same part of your brain as getting cash, psychotherapist says A sincere, thoughtful compliment can leave an impact even years later. What is it about compliments that makes them so powerful? require(["medianetNativeAdOnArticle"], function (medianetNativeAdOnArticle) { medianetNativeAdOnArticle.getMedianetNativeAds(true); }); Rachel Sussman, a psychotherapist and relationship expert in New York City, told INSIDER that compliments help people feel seen and acknowledged - a universal human need. "People just want to be recognized and appreciated for the good that they do," she said.

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Many people don’ t realize the power of their words. I know there’s that saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” However, there are a lot of things people say that are not intentionally harmful in any way. In fact, they might be said as a compliment , but they come off as

16 Compliments You Didn’t Realize Are Actually Pretty Insulting© Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com, shutterstock Complimenting your child for doing something well is parenting 101, right? Turns out, complimenting their achievements can seriously backfire, making them think that's all you care about, says Amy McManus, a licensed marriage and family therapist in LA. 'It's more important to compliment your children on the actions that reflect your family's values, like persistence in the face of discouragement, helping others, or working hard toward a goal.' Instead, use one of these 50 tiny, but powerful, ways to encourage your kid every day.

'Great job getting that A! You're so smart!'

Complimenting your child for doing something well is parenting 101, right? Turns out, complimenting their achievements can seriously backfire, making them think that's all you care about, says Amy McManus, a licensed marriage and family therapist in LA. 'It's more important to compliment your children on the actions that reflect your family's values, like persistence in the face of discouragement, helping others, or working hard toward a goal.' Instead, use one of these 50 tiny, but powerful, ways to encourage your kid every day.

16 Compliments You Didn’t Realize Are Actually Pretty Insulting© Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com, shutterstock Just like complimenting kids only for their straight-A report card or soccer goal makes them believe that is what you value in them, complimenting your partner only on their achievements can make them feel more like a paycheck than a person, McManus says. 'Plus, they may or may not feel they earned it, or are remembering when they didn't get it before, and a compliment can stir up complicated feelings like guilt or embarrassment,' she adds. Instead, here are 12 things you should tell your spouse every day for a happier marriage.

'I'm so proud of you for getting a raise this year honey!'

Just like complimenting kids only for their straight-A report card or soccer goal makes them believe that is what you value in them, complimenting your partner only on their achievements can make them feel more like a paycheck than a person, McManus says. 'Plus, they may or may not feel they earned it, or are remembering when they didn't get it before, and a compliment can stir up complicated feelings like guilt or embarrassment,' she adds. Instead, here are 12 things you should tell your spouse every day for a happier marriage.

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We may actually think what we are saying is entirely innocent and, obviously, complimentary . The problem, though, is that some compliments can easily be construed as passive aggressive swipes due to what they imply. Here's a look at seven compliments that, to be honest, are incredibly insulting .

16 Compliments You Didn’t Realize Are Actually Pretty Insulting© Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com, shutterstock When you tell someone they look great for their age, the subtext is they don't look pretty or handsome in general, just in comparison to wizened crones. Instead of subtly insulting their looks, just leave off the qualifier—'for your age'—and tell them they look great, says Travis Chapman, author of The Unconditional Truth. Besides, age is beautiful.

'You look great for your age!'

When you tell someone they look great for their age, the subtext is they don't look pretty or handsome in general, just in comparison to wizened crones. Instead of subtly insulting their looks, just leave off the qualifier—'for your age'—and tell them they look great, says Travis Chapman, author of The Unconditional Truth. Besides, age is beautiful.

16 Compliments You Didn’t Realize Are Actually Pretty Insulting© Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com, shutterstock There's nothing single people love more than being publicly and repeatedly reminded of their single status, right? Of course not. Add in a bewildering 'but you're so pretty' and you're implying that not only are they sad spinsters but that there must be something else wrong with them keeping them that way, Chapman explains. As a rule, don't comment on someone else's relationship status unless she brings up the topic first.

'You're so pretty, how are you still single?'

There's nothing single people love more than being publicly and repeatedly reminded of their single status, right? Of course not. Add in a bewildering 'but you're so pretty' and you're implying that not only are they sad spinsters but that there must be something else wrong with them keeping them that way, Chapman explains. As a rule, don't comment on someone else's relationship status unless she brings up the topic first.

16 Compliments You Didn’t Realize Are Actually Pretty Insulting© Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com, shutterstock This 'compliment' reads both as an insult to their reproductive choices—'You have too many kids'—and to their children, implying they must be a saint to deal with them. 'It is common for people to hide judgments on life choices in compliments,' says Susan Henney, Ph.D, professor of psychology at the University of Houston-Downtown. 'We want to be polite but we also want our opinion to be heard.' Check out our list of 11 words and phrases that used to be insults and are now compliments.

'You are a saint for having so many kids!'

This 'compliment' reads both as an insult to their reproductive choices—'You have too many kids'—and to their children, implying they must be a saint to deal with them. 'It is common for people to hide judgments on life choices in compliments,' says Susan Henney, Ph.D, professor of psychology at the University of Houston-Downtown. 'We want to be polite but we also want our opinion to be heard.' Check out our list of 11 words and phrases that used to be insults and are now compliments.

16 Compliments You Didn’t Realize Are Actually Pretty Insulting© Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com, shutterstock What you're really saying is, 'Buck up, you grump. I'm in a good mood, so you should be too' which assumes that everyone is just like you or is having exactly the same kind of day as you, Henney says. 'Since it is often said from men to women, it can also be interpreted as the female not pleasing the male by being charming and agreeable at all times.' Bottom line: You are not in charge of other people's moods. Want someone to smile? Pay them a genuine compliment or tell them a joke.

'You have a pretty face, you should smile more.'

What you're really saying is, 'Buck up, you grump. I'm in a good mood, so you should be too' which assumes that everyone is just like you or is having exactly the same kind of day as you, Henney says. 'Since it is often said from men to women, it can also be interpreted as the female not pleasing the male by being charming and agreeable at all times.' Bottom line: You are not in charge of other people's moods. Want someone to smile? Pay them a genuine compliment or tell them a joke.

16 Compliments You Didn’t Realize Are Actually Pretty Insulting© Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com, shutterstock Weight is such a sensitive topic for so many people that you really shouldn't give unsolicited comments about a person's shape or size, even if you think you're being kind, says John Moore, Ph.D, a licensed psychotherapist in Chicago. 'I've had clients, both women and men, cry in my office because they were told something just like this, it can be devastating,' he explains. Not sure what to say? Follow the other person's cues. If they want to talk about their weight loss, they will bring it up.

'Wow, you've lost so much weight, you're not fat anymore!'

Weight is such a sensitive topic for so many people that you really shouldn't give unsolicited comments about a person's shape or size, even if you think you're being kind, says John Moore, Ph.D, a licensed psychotherapist in Chicago. 'I've had clients, both women and men, cry in my office because they were told something just like this, it can be devastating,' he explains. Not sure what to say? Follow the other person's cues. If they want to talk about their weight loss, they will bring it up.

16 Compliments You Didn’t Realize Are Actually Pretty Insulting© Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com, shutterstock 'The second part of this sentence is 'and what on earth is she doing with you?'' explains Backe. Complimenting the looks of someone's significant other never ends well because you're obviously checking that person out and comparing them to others. You can, however, tell your friend that they seem to have found someone really special or compliment the relationship. For something better to say, use one of these 56 secrets life coaches won't tell you for free.

'Look at that, your girlfriend is smoking hot!'

'The second part of this sentence is 'and what on earth is she doing with you?'' explains Backe. Complimenting the looks of someone's significant other never ends well because you're obviously checking that person out and comparing them to others. You can, however, tell your friend that they seem to have found someone really special or compliment the relationship. For something better to say, use one of these 56 secrets life coaches won't tell you for free.

16 Compliments You Didn’t Realize Are Actually Pretty Insulting© Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com, shutterstock Do you mean to say that they don't look attractive to you unless they paint over their natural features? Because that is what this can come across as saying. There's nothing wrong with wearing makeup or complimenting someone's makeup, just don't imply that they're hideous without it, says Shira Taylor Gura, well-being coach, author, and host of the podcast, Getting unSTUCK. Read on for our list of the most annoying words and phrases in the English language.

'You look so pretty with makeup on!'

Do you mean to say that they don't look attractive to you unless they paint over their natural features? Because that is what this can come across as saying. There's nothing wrong with wearing makeup or complimenting someone's makeup, just don't imply that they're hideous without it, says Shira Taylor Gura, well-being coach, author, and host of the podcast, Getting unSTUCK. Read on for our list of the most annoying words and phrases in the English language.

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Why Courteney Cox Stopped Using Face Fillers: “I Don’t Look Like Myself”.
“You have to accept getting older, and that’s something that I had a hard time doing.” But using fillers didn’t work out as well as she’d hoped. “I didn’t realize it until one day I kind of stepped back and went, ‘Oh s-. I don’t look like myself,’” she said. Cox told New Beauty back in 2017 that injectable enhancements were once a slippery slope for her. “What would end up happening is that you go to a doctor who would say, ‘You look great, but what would help is a little injection here or filler there,’” she said. “So you walk out and you don’t look so bad and you think, no one noticed-it’s good.

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