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US Teen Reminding Stepmom She's Not Her Dead Daughter Cheered: 'Very Creepy'

22:10  05 october  2022
22:10  05 october  2022 Source:   newsweek.com

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The internet has sided with a teenage girl who called her stepmom "creepy" after she called her by her late daughter's name for the umpteenth time.

In a post shared on Reddit on Sunday, the 16-year-old, under the username u/biscuittenutelludo, explained that her stepmom, who married her dad two years ago, lost her daughter, who had a similar age to hers, about five years ago in a car accident, and even though she's getting better, she still grieves her loss.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, this is not an isolated accident.

In fact, its data shows that in 2019, almost 2,400 teens in the U.S. aged 13–19 were killed, and about 258,000 were treated in emergency departments for injuries suffered in motor vehicle crashes.

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In her post, the teenager said her stepmom, Megan, is very involved with her studies and "nags" her to ditch whatever she's doing, every time she sees her chilling, telling her to go prepare for college as this is her senior year of high school.

"Several times, I've heard her call me by her daughter's name, no, we don't have similar names ... [and] even though I corrected, she continues," she said.

The girl said she spoke to her dad about this, as she finds it quite uncomfortable, and so did her mom too, but he always tells her to be patient with her stepmom and that he will talk to her about it, which she believes he never does.

But recently, the poster and her stepmom had another altercation, and her father took the latter's side. She said: "Friday, she started scolding me for being on the couch all afternoon watching Netflix. I reached my limit after she called me by her daughter's name again and said 'I'm not [daughter's name]', Megan, stop treating me like I'm her."

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"This is bothering me and this behavior is very creepy. She started crying and locked herself in her room. When my father found out what happened, he got angry at me and told me to apologize, because I was very insensitive talking like that and bringing her a wound that I knew was wide open to her."

Susan Whitmore, renowned grief expert, founder, and CEO of griefHaven.org, told Newsweek that the best thing the stepmom can do is see a private grief expert, to deal with "the enormous impact" losing her daughter in a car accident has had on her.

She said: "Grieving the death of a child is one of the most challenging and gut-wrenching losses of all. For her and her new family to begin their new blended lives together, it would behoove the entire family to be involved such that they learn how to best support their stepmother going forward without her daughter in this world, and how to incorporate their deceased sister into their lives.

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"At the same time, the mother and/or new husband should look at working privately with a trained grief expert who will gently and lovingly help them understand the best coping mechanisms for their specific situation; there are many to choose from."

She also added that there are no stages of grief, saying that it's not a linear process like having a cold: "It's a quagmire of twists and turns. In the beginning, it is a shock to the body and mind, and it takes a lot to figure out how to deal with all of the feelings and thoughts bombarding a person all at once.

"The initial impact is often so overwhelming that it causes the parent to feel terrified as if they are out of control and might lose their minds."

Users who commented on the post found the mother's behavior unacceptable, and most of them agreed she should see a specialist to help deal with her grief.

One user, Impossible-Pause3788 said, referring to the fact that she calls her by her late daughter's name: "This is the part that deeply concerns me. All the rest can be chalked up to overzealous parenting, but this is clearly "you are my replacement daughter." She should see a grief specialist. [Not The A**hole]. Tell your father that wounds need to be tended to, not allowed to fester."

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And Adept-Spirit4879 said: "[Not The A**hole]. She's treating you like a replacement daughter which is very unhealthy. Kaiexistshere said: "[Not The A**hole]. Megan needs therapy and your dad is an ***hole for enabling Megan's behavior. I understand the loss of a child must be horrible for her but to the point where she's calling you [by her name]? Nah. Do not feel bad for telling her what needed to be said, and what your father wouldn't say to her."

Another user, princessk1293, shared a similar experience: "I called a kid by my deceased son's name the other day. Then I apologized, called the child the correct name, and explained who Charlie was to the child's mother. It definitely came from a place of grief.

"I called her son Charlie because while I had been watching him play, I had been [imagining] my son doing the things this boy was doing. It wasn't a simple slip-up, like it might be with a living child. It was a grief response. It happens, you own up to the fact that you messed up, you apologize and correct the error. You don't deliberately continue and brush away the child's protest against having their identity overwritten by your loss."

And pistacio814sb said: "[Not The A**hole] Your dad had the opportunity to address this and he chose not to. He has no right to be angry. Megan is being inappropriate and needs therapy. You shouldn't have to deal with that."

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Newsweek reached out to u/biscuittenutelludo for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

Do you have funny and adorable videos or pictures of your pet you want to share? Send them to life@newsweek.com with some details about your best friend and they could appear in our Pet of the Week lineup.

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